What I Look For in a High Chair (And One that Fits the Bill)

Claire has been eating solid foods for the past six months. Over that time, I’ve had quite the crash course in high chairs, from ones that are expensive to those generic ones in restaurants to makeshift ones (we used the Bumbo seat for a lot of feedings when we first started out) and everything in between.

I’ve been on the search for the perfect high chair for my lifestyle, which is how I came across the Ingenuity ChairMate High Chair.



One of the things I’ve learned during this time testing and trying out different versions and attributes is that there are a couple things that are key to me:

• I want my high chair to take up as little space as possible but be easily portable
• It must have a washable surface that can easily be machine-washed (because Claire often loves to feed herself—which invariably makes for a huge mess that not only includes her face and hands but every other surface within reach)
• I want it to feel safe and sturdy for my baby so that if I need to step away and grab something from the fridge, I can do so without worry that my darling is going to be in danger

All of these qualities come together in the ChairMate, which the folks at Ingenuity generously provided for this review. (Of course, as always, all opinions are my own.) Here is a run-down of some of those features this high chair offers:

• The cover is easy to get on and off and features stain-resistant material that can easily be machine-washed. But my favorite feature is that there is a clip-on tray that you can easily pop off and rinse without having to unfasten the entire tray. It makes running it under the kitchen faucet a breeze! (It also is dishwasher-safe, but I haven’t tried that.)
  
  
• It’s lightweight, making it so that you can easily move it around. And since it’s fastened to the chair easily with straps, it isn’t a chore to unbuckle it and move it if you need to, making it a viable option for on-the-go if you need it.
  
  
• The high chair attaches directly to one of your own kitchen chairs. I tried it on a variety of chairs and never faced an issue. Pretty much as long as you can fasten the straps along the underside of the chair and around it’s back, you can use this high chair.
  
  
• It was easy to put together. (I didn’t even have to reference the instruction manual it was so intuitive!) It also includes four different height positions so that it can easily accommodate almost any table or chair height. There are also two recline positions. (I do wish there was more customization for the recline position, because Claire still seems to sit back a bit further than she does in her other chairs, but that hasn’t seemed to cause a problem.)
  
  
• Plus, it easily grows with baby by converting to a booster once they get older so that you don't have to buy something additional later one. This is an aspect that is taken into account with all of the products from Ingenuity: “When we can, we strive to save you money,” they say, “such as high chairs and floor seats that grow with baby by converting to boosters, and swings with patented technology that makes batteries last twice as long. Every product Ingenuity offers starts with one question: How can these meet babies’ needs, but make life easier for parents?”
  
  
• While I was a little hesitant about using straps to secure the high chair at first, I haven’t had any issues with the stability or sturdiness of the chair. I’ve even picked Claire up while she’s strapped in and moved the chair (like for the photoshoot I did!) and the seat didn’t even seem to wiggle in the chair. I think as long as you’re strapping it to a sturdy chair and make sure you get the straps at tight as possible (which surprisingly is quite easy), then I don’t think there are any issues with safety.
  
  
• The ChairMate high chair comes in a variety of designs, but the one I received is the “Emerson,” which is available exclusively at Babies ‘R’ Us. The Emerson features an adorable and gender-neutral teal and green polka-dot pattern with two smiley-faced hippos in the middle. Perfect for any baby who makes you feel like you’re feeding a hungry, hungry hippo!

All that to say, that this high chair has been a happy addition to our feeding routine and I expect it will continue to be for the years to come!



(You can find out more about the Ingenuity ChairMate High Chair, as well as other products from Ingenuity. You can also find them on Facebook and Twitter.)

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Dear Claire: You're One Year Old!

(I've been writing monthly updates to my daughter, Claire, documenting all the changes that come with the passing weeks. You can catch up on past letters here.) 

Dear Claire,

First, let's start out with some of the main updates from this past month:

• At your one-year appointment you: weighed 18.2 lbs (10th percentile) and were 29.25 inches long (50th percentile).
• You can now run, so we took you to get big-girl shoes for your birthday (size 4W!). Now we can hear that pitter-patter coming from across the room!
• Somehow, your sixth tooth came in this month and I had no clue. It was on the bottom so it wasn't until I looked down yesterday and counted three pearly whites sticking through that I realized it! Whoops!
• You like to shake your head "no," although I don't think you know what it means and aren't trying to be defiant. You just think it's funny!
• You like to stick out your tongue and let it hang to the side of your mouth. It's pretty goofy, but then that's one of the things I love best about you! 
• You have a little sneaky streak! You know we don't like for you to have the remote so sometimes you'll watch us when we're looking away and stealthily go for it, ever so slowly so as to avoid detection.
• You can wave "hi" and "bye" back if we wave to you.
• You are big into imitating in general. We discovered that if we stick our tongue in and out quickly, you'll mimic and do the same! It's a silly little party trick we like.
• You love to drink water and your daddy has worked with you to say "ahh" after taking a drink. It's pretty adorable! You are learning how to use a zippy cup. You really love one of your grandma's water bottles and have aptly learned how to drink out of it by sucking up the straw.
• Your daddy taught you another new trick: You love it when we whisper secrets ("Psst, psst, psst,") in your ear and often squeal with delight! 

What a big girl you are becoming, learning all kinds of new tricks in leaps and bounds, right?!

For your birthday, we took you to a cupcake shop where you were ecstatic about smooshing cake and icing through your fingers! You didn't really eat much of it, but enjoyed the chance to be as messy as you liked! You had fun ripping open your presents and playing with your new clothes and toys, especially your LOUD corn popper and birthday cards that sing when you open them! I know you won't remember it, but it was fun—which life with you always is!

This past year has turned out to be a joy for me to be your mommy. I'm so proud of the wonderfully joyful, spunky and social, curious and creative little girl you're becoming. I love watching your mind at work and am always surprised by what captures your attention. You're always off exploring and getting into anything and everything! I can't wait to see where you are going to channel that energy and curiosity as you get older.

Here's to another year, as my little love bug and Claire Bear!

Love,
Mom

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Letting Myself Simplify and Allow Some Things Fall to the Ground

The rhythm of life right now seems to be about simplifying, culling and cutting, stripping and taking stock. It has made up much of my reading right now, having breezed through The Hyperlinked Life and then been slowly savoring my way through Notes from a Blue Bike: The Art of Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World.

Both books have been resonating with my soul and its cry to sift through my actions, my day and hold on to those things that really matter. Let the others fall loosely through my grip—and be okay with that. Sometimes the letting go, no matter how good it is for us, can be a hard thing. It can feel like giving up, like failure that we can't do it all, like disappointment.

And yet, they seem an encouragement to be willing to take those steps, to let some things fall to the ground.

The Hyperlinked Life is penned by The Barna Group, which is a Christian group that surveys people to find out what is going on in our world and how our faith fits into it. They've written some other books that I found incredibly insightful, so I was eager to get their thoughts on how technology is impacting our lives—specifically our relationships and time. There's no doubt that technology is good and here to stay, and they don't argue that at all. What they encourage is that we find ways to steward technology, to make sure we are controlling it rather than the other way around. The biggest thing they encourage is taking digital Sabbaths. Letting technology fall away from us, from our grip, for a matter of time, whether daily or weekly.


And in Notes From a Blue Bike, she looks at the act of simplifying across a bunch of different parameters, from the way you feed your family to school your children to work for a livelihood. While her "simplified" life looks very different from the way I live and envision my own, she too offers an encouragement to readers to live with intention and look at things closely and cut away the fat that, no matter how good it might taste, is weighing you down. And she shows how she's attempted to do that—sometimes to great success, other times discovering that what she once thought made her life better actually didn't.

That lesson resonated with me: Sometimes we have to reevaluate these things in our life, and I feel like that's what I've been doing here lately, taking time to breathe and pull back from this technological space. (Which is probably why I've found so much time for reading of late!)

It has felt good to not fall prey to expectations about how frequently I should post and comment and share and like and all that online jazz. It has felt good to have free time with which to just sit and not turn to my computer to fill every extra second.

And so this is the new rhythm of my life right now, one that feels right, where this blog space might be a bit more quiet than it once was. I don't expect to stop, but just to move more slowly and, hopefully, more intentionally.

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Learning to Hold Things Loosely

The banner I feel like the Lord is holding over this current season of my life right now is “Learning to hold things loosely.”

I realized my need for this lesson during Christmas. I had been gifted an unexpected gift card and in the midst of waves of wrapping paper and opened boxes and trying to keep Claire from eating all the tissue paper in sight, I started picking all the packaging up from the floor and stuffing it into a garbage bag. And somewhere in that process, I never saw the gift card again.

When I realized it, I found myself upset and emotionally affected by the occasion. In my head, I could rationalize: I am no worse off than I was before I received it; I don’t need it; everything is really God’s and I am but a steward.

But the truth is that all that rang empty at the moment. I knew those things in my mind, but it was obvious my heart didn’t follow suit. My heart still was frustrated and upset about losing it, even when I knew I shouldn’t be because in the grand scheme of things, it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Yet, in my heart, it still was a big deal.

And it was in that flurry of emotions that I felt the Lord nudge me toward this idea of learning to hold things loosely.

I’d heard that phrase many times over the past decade in my walk as a Christian. That idea of letting control over to God, not holding fast to the things of this world but instead to the things eternal. I’d heard it and could nod along with it and understand it, but it had never really struck me as it did right now, in that moment.

In that moment I realized my need for that ability to hold things loosely, to allow things–material things, stressful things, frustrating things, my sense of convenience, etc.–sift through my fingers like sand rather than clench them in my fist, trying to hold them for myself.

I began to see, mostly through my emotions, how much of a burden the alternative can cause me. How it makes me stress over things that really don’t matter and start to believe all sorts of lies about myself, the world and God, and how it makes me feel doomed and discouraged and just downright disgusted.

Though I saw that, I felt myself resisting in turning things over to God, to give him the freedom to take things away from me, to trust that he can fill in the gaps or multiply the loaves without me having to hold fast to every last crumb. I can let go and watch him provide, one way or another.

It can be a scary thing to let go to God, no matter how long you’ve been a Christian and how many miracles you’ve seen him work. I wrestled with it and pleaded that he would not yank everything from me and force me to loosen my grip, but that he would work this lesson into my heart gently, gradually, softly and sweetly.

What a compassionate Father that he would heed that scared little prayer of mine. Since that revelatory Christmas morning, he has been so sweet and gentle in teaching me this lesson, in stretching me in the smallest of ways, like you might stretch a balloon before blowing air into it. A small stretch at first, another tug later, another and then another until it’s ready to withstand the surge of air that gives life to its flimsy body.

I can feel his puffs entering into me. I can feel the small stretches that tug at my heart. I can see him fulfilling each one, showing me that it isn’t so bad, that I really can trust him, that I really can loosen my grip and watch him and his love flourish in that loosening.

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Celebrate with a Custom-Made Diaper Cake: Review & Giveaway

McKenzie's Diaper Bakery is a custom diaper-cake and treat company started in 2012 and based in Atlanta. Each cake is meticulously handcrafted with name-brand diapers and baby products that are baby-safe and chemical-free.



They have all different kinds of diaper cakes available, personalized and made especially for you. For instance, they knew that I do some cloth-diapering along with disposables, and my preference is to use as many all-natural products on Claire as possible. Consequently, they sent me one of their natural diaper cakes, which incorporated a couple of cloth pre-fold diapers and almost two dozen of Huggies' Pure & Natural disposable diapers. (They can also accommodate other cloth-diaper brands by request.)





As you can see from the pictures, the two-tier cake they sent me to review also included some unexpected goodies, including a cute photo frame in Claire's favorite color (yellow!) and with her initial framed in it. I loved that they took that kind of attention to detail in making the cake especially for Claire. There was also a bottle hidden in the middle of the cake and some travel size packages of diaper cream, lotion and baby powder decorating the exterior. (Notably, I would have preferred if the baby products had been more in line with the "natural" theme of the cake, but since they were mainly for decoration, that's not a big deal. Claire still liked to carry them around since they fit her grip perfectly!)





Plus, I'm happy to share that they're offering one of their two-tier Natural Diaper Cakes up for giveaway. To enter, please "like" the McKenzie's Diaper Bakery Facebook page and then leave a comment here telling me you've done so. For a second entry, please follow their Twitter page and leave another comment letting me know. (Also, be sure to leave a way to contact you in case you win, if it's not available in your profile.) The giveaway will end Friday, February 28.

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God's Grace Flourishes in Our Vulnerability

As any mom—and I’d even wager any babysitter—knows, taking care of a baby isn’t for the faint of heart. It is rough and tough business that hit me like a ton of bricks when I had my first baby. I had no idea a person as small as she could sleep so little and still manage to cry as much as she did. At times, I even joined in with my daughter in her crying spells when nothing else was working.

Those early weeks were nothing less than brutal, leaving me weak, weary and brittle, on edge of breaking.

When my daughter was two-months-old, our church threw a baby shower for the latest round of new or soon-to-be-expecting moms in the congregation. I was among them and toward the end of the luncheon, each of us were supposed to share how our journey was going, whether it was pregnancy or parenthood, and some prayer requests.

Early on, I’d committed myself to try not to complain about my daughter. I wanted to be honest about how hard things were going but I didn’t want to whine about it or make her out to be a foe. So when it came to my turn, I started off positively enough and asked for prayer for me to submit myself to this process of parenthood and learning self-sacrifice, which is what I felt the Lord was urging from me at the time.

And as I asked for that simple prayer, I couldn’t help it but the tears came. They came, they poured. Even though I’d spent plenty of time crying on my own at home, I hadn’t cried in public before. So when the chance came, the tears flowed and I couldn’t stop them until I shared the truth.

With them streaming down my cheeks, I couldn’t deny how very hard things were as a new mom. Raw with honesty, I shared through those tears how hard it was being a new mom. And through those tears, I began to see God work.

When I was done, other moms in the room came up to me, tears in their own eyes and told me they knew exactly how I felt. Other women who were pregnant with their first told me that they appreciated my honesty because it provided them a much-needed reality check that things might not be all as the commercials portray with a newborn.

But the biggest blessing that came from those tears became evident when I went home. Because once I admitted my hardship in the midst of so many other women and asked, so sincerely, so desperately for prayers, things actually started getting better: My daughter started to fight her sleep less, even going to sleep on her own. She began crying less. It was nothing short of a miracle.

It’s something I’ve seen over and over again in my life: God’s grace flourishes in our vulnerability. When I’m willing to let my guard down and admit my weakness, admit my need, admit my struggles before my fellow man, it is then that I oftentimes see God at work the most. Like James 5:16 says, I think there’s power in confession, whether it’s confessing your sins like that verse says or even confessing the truth about our circumstances and our needs, like I did that afternoon in the chapel of our church when I let the tears fall before a couple dozen women.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24

This article first appeared on iBelieve on July 26, 2013.

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A Little Relief for Your Winter Woes

It's winter here in Ohio, and of course as luck would have it, it has been increasingly cold. There’s snow on the ground that falls fresh as soon as it’s melted away. We’re breaking cold-temperature records and with the wind-chill factored in, it really is freezing here. Along with that has come another winter woe: dry, chapped skin. I find myself having to slather lotion on at least once a day, so when BlogHer offered to send me a...

It's winter here in Ohio, and of course as luck would have it, it has been increasingly cold. There’s snow on the ground that falls fresh as soon as it’s melted away. We’re breaking cold-temperature records and with the wind-chill factored in, it really is freezing here.

Along with that has come another winter woe: dry, chapped skin. I find myself having to slather lotion on at least once a day, so when BlogHer offered to send me a couple of new products to try that feature natural ingredients, I was eager to see how they’d stand up to this wintry reality of mine.

Suave Professionals sent Moroccan Infusion Body Lotion and Moroccan Infusion Dry Body Oil. Both feature Moroccan argan oil, one of the rarest oils in the world because it comes from the argan tree, which can only be grown in specific growing areas, such as those in Morocco. It has been used in culinary and cosmetic ways for centuries and is now making a comeback for being naturally rich in nutrients and antioxidants.

The Moroccan Infusion Body Lotion is a daily moisturizer that absorbs quickly for up to 24 hours of radiant, non-greasy hydration, and the Moroccan Infusion Dry Body Oil Spray has a non-greasy formula that absorbs instantly and seals in long-lasting moisture. These products are both clinically proven to moisturize as well as Moroccanoil^®.

Having pretty sensitive skin, I have found I am pretty picky when it comes to moisturizing my skin during the winter months. I tried my husband’s lotion a couple of weeks ago and it literally made my skin burn. I have found that ones that feature “natural” ingredients like the argan oil don’t have that effect. Instead, both left my skin feeling supple and soaked in pretty quickly without much residue. I was able to put some of the lotion on my hands (where I find myself needing to reapply lotion the most frequently), slather it on, and just seconds later get back to typing.

They also smelled quite luxurious (it reminded me of a tropical cocoa butter or suntan-lotion smell). I liked it (especially in these cold months when a palm tree is a pipe dream!) but I wouldn’t mind a fragrance-free offering in the future.

Both of these products are new offerings from the Suave Professionals^® line, which is a new line from Suave that offers women everywhere access to premium quality products with the finest skincare ingredients. You can find more information about the Suave Professionals^® Moroccan Infusion Body Care products at www.Facebook.com/SuaveBeauty. And while you’re there, visit the Suave Beauty Facebook page to get tips for radiant skin, style advice from celebrity stylist Brad Goreski and enter the “Radiant Wishes” sweepstakes for a chance to win Suave Professionals® Moroccan Infusion products, a spa day or a trip to Los Angeles. Plus, they are offering a giveaway to help relieve your winter woes even more: For a chance to win a $1,000 gift card, let me know which of the Suave Moroccan Infusion Body Care products you would most like to try.

Sweepstakes Rules: 
No duplicate comments.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

1. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
2. Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
3. Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
4. For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 2/7/2014-2/28/2014.

Be sure to visit the Suave Professionals® brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ posts!

¹  When clinically tested vs. comparable Moroccanoil® products. Moroccanoil® is a registered trademark of Moroccanoil®.

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Dear Claire: 11 Month Update

(I've been writing monthly updates to my daughter, Claire, documenting all the changes that come with the passing weeks. You can catch up on past letters here.)

Dear Claire,
You are now just one month shy of a year. Can you believe it's been that long already? Can you believe we've made it this far? By the time you're reading this, 11 months will seem like barely a drop in the bucket. But it feels like so much right now. So much, in a good way.

You got sick for the first time this month. (Well, you’d gotten pink eye around six months, but it was mild and we caught it quickly so it never bothered you.) This time, though, you were miserable. Your nose was runny and it turned into an ear ache that had you wailing “Ow!” and “Oh!” and what I swear sounded like, “Help!” We took you to the doctor as soon as we saw you tug on your right ear, but it was too late. Even with antibiotics (azithromycin), you were still in great pain for the next two days anytime the ibuprofen would wear off. 

And to top it off, you were so congested you couldn’t breathe through your nose so you snored when you slept (causing your dad to dub you Darth Baby) and you gasped when you tried to nurse. (Consequently, you gave up sucking your thumb and haven't gone back since, something I am relieved about because I dreaded having to break you of it.) It was pitiful and I felt so sorry for you. But fortunately, on day three the pain subsided and on day four you could breathe through your nose again. I'm just thankful we were able to make it ten months until you really got sick!

Otherwise, another big achievement this month was that I realized your hair can be pulled back into pigtails! I love pulling it back. Of course, you love pulling the hair bands out, so they don't ever last very long, but I have captured a few photographs of the moment.

Right now you are in love with music. You now bounce when you hear a tune. Sometimes you'll tap a foot or clap your hands. You have an electronic drumstick that plays a rhythm that you can tap to, and you love the melody. You also have maracas and shakers and jingle bells and empty tin- and cardboard-canisters that double as drums. You love picking these up and playing with them; they bring a huge smile to your face when you discover them in the midst of your playtime.

You've got your daddy's love of playing music. (You've also discovered his guitar, hidden behind his desk that you make it a point to crawl around the chair and trashcan to play with the strings. Ain't nothing going to stand in your way of playing music, huh?) And you've got your mommy's love for dancing to music. We've recently started doing dance parties where we find some good music to play in the background while we sing and twirl along.

And this past week at church, we took you into service with us during the worship time, and you sat enrapt while the band played and everyone sang along. (Of course, as soon as they started praying, you decided the quiet was too much and started shouting and "talking" to make up for it. We then took you to the nursery, where I've been having to hang out with you, because you still don't like being left without one of us with you. I don't mind though; it's given me a chance to get to know some of the other women who are serving in the nursery better than I would have otherwise. That's one thing I hope you'll learn: There's always a silver lining. Always. Make it a point to look for it.)

So this newfound love of yours has been fun and I've been looking for ways to enrich and encourage it. I'm looking into music classes for you, because heaven knows you don't really need any more toys or clothes, and with your birthday coming up, I thought that might be more useful than more "stuff" for you. But we'll see. By the way, I'm sure your wishlist would include things like: a new cellphone/remote control that actually works and lights up (rather than the ones with batteries removed that you like to give me); a toilet paper roll I can tear apart as much as I please (and eat to my delight); a trashcan (full of trash, of course) I can explore, etc.

At any rate, we're getting closer and closer to that milestone, and it's been so much fun. I hope you're having fun, too.

Love,
Mom

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Me and Sanctification: A Love/Hate Relationship

I have a love/hate relationship with sanctification.

(If you’re wondering about “sanctification,” here's an in-my-own-words definition: It’s basically the life-long process that the Lord walks us through where he makes us more like Him, day by day, struggle by struggle, learning point by learning point. It’s basically learning to live our faith out through that whole fear and trembling thing.)

The thing is, when I look at all the moments that have sanctified my heart up to this point, I love it. In hindsight, I can see how God was lovingly chiseling and melting and molding my heart when he walked me through some of those hardest points in my life. There were times when I cried and wondered how I was ever going to make it through. Times that left me flabbergasted and shocked at what the Lord was letting happen. There were times when I found myself on me knees again and again, praying and pleading for a certain prayer, which felt like it was never going to be answered.

And yet, in every one of those situations, I was able to walk through and watch them get resolved. I saw the Lord work in every single one of them and truly bring beauty to each one, even those piled up with ashes. I saw him answer my prayers in ways more wonderful than I could have ever anticipated. I saw him teach me about stepping out in true faith when answers took longer to come by. I saw him take care of me and bring blessing and never let me falter. I saw him always act, always love, always be there for me.

But when I’m in the midst of those places? When I’m in those deep, dark times when I’m being stretched and feel splintered and scarred and scared? When I’m in the throes of those hard times—the ones that sanctify us the most, the “refiner’s fire” that we sing about—I hate the process. I try to wriggle free of it. I hate it because it’s hard. Even though I know in my head that it’s all going to work out, that God is going to take care of me, that God is true to his promises and will never fail me, I still wrestle through the hard times.

The thing is, those hard times are always going to keep coming, no matter how much I love them or hate them. They are a part of this life that Jesus has promised to us. The key is for me to remember that the hard part is only but a season. The fruits that grow from it, though, are sweet and will flourish without end as they prove to make me more and more like him, one day, one struggle at a time.

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Letting Go the Grip of Comparison in Motherhood and Discovering Grace

I wrote about the epiphany I had about the bitterness my heart had been harboring toward the suffering I’d experienced when Claire was a newborn and the jealousy I had toward women who were blessed with “easy” babies who slept and didn’t cry and were happy from the get-go. I wrote about how, upon realizing this place of bitterness seeded in my heart, I knew I could only do one thing with it: I needed to confess it. And upon doing so, I wrote about how the Lord proved himself faithful in that room as we each poured out confessions about the ugly parts in our hearts.

On the drive home afterward, I thought about this tendency of ours to compare ourselves to one another. Because we do it when we feel others have it better than us. But we also do it when we feel others have it worse than us. Sometimes we can justify the latter because it is supposed to make us feel grateful—that things could be worse for us. And surely they could. But, as I rounded the bend onto the highway, I realized I don’t even want to do that.

I realized I needed to release this urge to compare completely, because when I did it, it was always in a way that always ended up looking back upon myself: I would look at others’ good and see my own hardship. I would look at others’ hardship, and see my own good. Instead of it being about others or God, it was always about me. And that’s where the bitterness crept in, that’s where things turned ugly.

As I increased speed, I thought back to the stories we have of Satan, the one who takes truths and twists them. And I realize that is what he has been doing to me. These stories of people who have easy children should be source for me to celebrate, to see God's goodness and be encouraged. Even though I did not experience that for myself does not mean it is any less good. I must untwist that lie that makes me think that their experience is an attack on me and straighten it to see the beauty in it. Because if we untwist it, we can always see the goodness that lies beneath. Because in this world, God is always doing good. We must just sometimes have to work harder to find and see that.

The truth is that when others have gone through good, I want to rejoice with them. There is freedom in rejoicing with them. I want to look at those stories and--instead of seeing my own lack, my own I-wish-that-would-have-been-mine story--I want to see the joy of it, the hope.

When I hear someone say, "My child sleeps half the day away, without any effort on my part," I want to say, "Wow, what a miracle! God is good! He can do great things!" Because since that was not my reality, that truly is a miracle in my eyes.

As I realized those things, I felt God straightening things in my heart, untwisting the lies I’d been believing, the tangled lies where bitterness and jealousy lay. Joy, real joy, began to creep into my heart. I thought of the women I know whom I'd previously harbored jealousy for in regards to the way their newborn experiences were. I thought of them and, for the first time, I felt a sense of peace. I felt freedom from comparing myself to them. I could smile for them and say, "Wow, what a miracle. God is good."

I drove the rest of the way home and my heart felt light but full. It felt free.

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Hello, I’m a Mom and I’m Jealous of You

I’ve written a lot about what a struggle Claire’s infancy was for me, dealing with a baby who was constantly demanding with cries and forever fighting sleep. She never seemed happy and frankly, neither was I much of the time.

I’ve also written that the Lord has done a lot of healing since then in these past months. Things with her have gotten so much better. She is an incredible joy and she seems to be making up for all the happiness that seemed lacking at first. She practically bursts with joy! And it isn’t just that my circumstances have changed, though the relief that has come with that has been a balm to my soul. But I can even look back and be grateful for the hardship I went through during Claire's infancy and be proud of how the Lord sustained me, proud of how he saw fit to give me that struggle and knew I could withstand it. I can honestly say those things now. I mean them.

But recently, I realized that in spite of my ability to feel grateful, I was still harboring bitterness about all I’d gone through. I realized this when I heard other moms talk about how easy their children were, how they were sleeping through the night effortlessly or barely cried and were always content. My jaw would drop, unable to imagine those scenarios. And then a bitterness, a jealousy would well up within me.

Because it felt wholly unfair that they would not have to suffer as I suffered. Wasn’t that part of the newborn experience? Wasn’t that the kind of initiation every mother should have to go through—at least to some degree? I would never wish my experience on anyone else, but come on—just a little?

Misery loves company, and I am sad to say that it was true even for me. I did not want to be alone in my suffering, even though it is now fully in the past. I resented that others were allowed to skip over that. To try to pacify myself, I’d whisper, “Well, someday they’ll suffer. When the child is a toddler or a teenager, then they’ll know hard times. Someday they’ll suffer like I did.”

I realized this, and I knew that I needed to repent of it. Though I’d been feeling these things for months, I hadn’t yet named them, I hadn’t realized that they came from a place of bitterness and jealousy. “Confess your sins and pray for one another and you will be healed,” the book of James says. I truly believe that, and so at that moment, I resolved to confess them at my weekly Bible study.

So a few days later, when the time came, I was at our Bible study. The teacher was wrapping up her lesson just before we broke into our small groups and she finished the lesson by talking about the importance of confession. With that, I knew it was God confirming that he wanted me to do this. He pressed onto my heart that I should make my confession first thing, rather than waiting until the end when we go around and do prayer requests.

When I walked into our small-group room, there was a new face in there. She was a woman I’d met before but who didn’t yet know my heart in the same way all the other women in my group did. I hesitated. But then I remembered another verse: “If you love me, obey me.”

So when the leader nonchalantly asked me how my week had been, I opened up and told them I needed to make a confession before them all, in hopes that God would be faithful to his scriptures and bring healing to this place in my heart. Then, the words spilled out and I confessed this ugly place in my heart.

When I was done, everyone else opened up in confession about the ugly things that were going on—right now, this moment—in their lives that they knew needed confession as well. And you know what? They were all about jealousy, about looking at other people’s circumstances and feeling slighted because theirs were better than their own.

It was proof that God had orchestrated all of this. Beautiful, peace-giving, lovely proof. And so I had to trust that what he had begun, he would finish. That he would bring this healing he had promised in His word. I knew the confession was something he wanted of me, and so I had to trust the healing would come. For me, for each of us. And we each left there feeling a little more free, a little closer to each other and a little closer to Him.

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Childbirth: A Window into Motherhood

When I was still pregnant and looking forward to having a natural childbirth because I felt like it was what God wanted for me, it only made sense to me to mine the Scriptures for truths that would translate to this calling, to this experience.

I went through and found a dozen or so verses that spoke to me about this task ahead. They called me to trust God, to have strength, to be patient, to not give up or worry, to remember that God was with me in this task.

One of the verses I came across that stuck to my heart was James 1:2-4: “Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow—so let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.”

While I might not jump to categorizing childbirth as “trouble,” it certainly falls under the heading of “difficult,” making it fitting for my childbirth-readiness repertoire.

As I meditated on and memorized this verse, I was struck by the last few words: “…you will be ready for anything.” And as I began to mull on that, in the context of childbirth, I began to see how childbirth itself can be a microcosm of motherhood, a snapshot of the next decades that await us in those few hours leading up to the start of the thing itself.

Think about it: Typically, labor is difficult. It’s uncomfortable and as soon as you find a position that feels right, something changes and you have to readjust. It causes some women to scream, to grunt, to roar. You become emotional. There’s pain, and sometimes you just don’t know how to deal with it. Sometimes it causes you to writhe, to act unbecomingly, to even tear your flesh. Invariably you are going to want to give up, throw in the towel, escape from the hardships of the process.

But that isn’t all it is. Because at the very end, all of that pain ceases and is replaced with utter joy as you look at the human being you’ve created and cared for all this time. You finally get to see who this person is and, for the first time, you’re getting to see them for who they really are. You loved them before, but now, that love seems overwhelming.

That’s childbirth, but isn’t it also motherhood?

Like labor, motherhood itself is hard and I’m faced, again and again, with those same temptations and emotions of distress, discouragement, difficulty and pain. But we know that is not all there is to it. When Claire was a baby and crying all the time and I admitted to folks how difficult this task was, they all told me a truth to which I can also attest today: It will get easier, it will be worth it, even though right now it may feel like that may never come.

So, in those few hours of labor, perhaps God is giving us a glimpse into the journey that awaits us as mothers over the next years? Perhaps, in the weak moments of motherhood when I feel like I can’t do it anymore and I feel like giving up and like the pain is going to overwhelm me, I can look back at childbirth and be reminded: If I could make it through that, then surely I can endure motherhood. I need not despair or lose confidence or give up hope when those times come. Like the verse says, God has prepared me to be “ready for anything.”

And so I began to see childbirth not as just something to “get through” or something one chooses because she wants to prove herself or even reap positive health benefits. Instead, it became a window into motherhood. Certainly an epidural or a C-section doesn’t rob you of that vantage point, either, but because I felt called to forgo those options for my own reasons, I saw the beauty and gift of the process all the more.

Now that I’m deep in the throes of motherhood, I surely do not “feel” like I’m “ready for anything” in this journey of parenting my daughter, but I turn to this verse and cling to that, reminding myself that I in fact am. That I am ready—like with everything else—by the grace and help of God.

This article first appeared on iBelieve on June 21, 2013.

Related Posts
Why I Wanted to Have a Natural Childbirth
The Practical Preparations for Bringing Home A Baby

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Dear Claire: 10 Month Update

(I've been writing monthly updates to my daughter, Claire, documenting all the changes that come with the passing weeks. You can catch up on past letters here.)

Dear Claire,

At 10 months, I know you’re still a baby. But when I look at you and watch you and describe you, you feel like a toddler. Part of that is probably because now you are, in fact, toddling around. You are officially a walker, having taken your first real set of steps about a week before Christmas. Now, two weeks later, you walk about as often as you crawl, but you’re getting more and more adept with the walking and bolder with every step. You also proved (while we watched on) that you can readily climb an entire set of stairs unaided. Oy. You keep us on our toes!

{ some of your first steps, captured on film }

You also are saying “mama” and “dada” and sometimes “hi,” with a little wave that looks more like opening and closing your fist. And you will sometimes clap along with us (see photo below for an example). Leaps and bounds all around, little one! What a difference a single month can make, huh?

You are still long and lean, weighing in at just 17 lbs. when I took you in for your 9 month appointment; that’s keeping you at 25th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for length, which is where you’ve been for most of your life. Your hair is growing long and shaggy, no longer a cute, purposeful pixie cut that it had been for months and months. Now it can get pretty wild and messy, which your Mimi likes to refer to as your “Harriet Potter” look. We now have to pin your bangs back with bows and barrettes to keep them from getting in your eyes. Along with tracking your physical growth, you have four teeth: two on top (which broke through this month, in time to have your two front teeth for Christmas!) and two on bottom (which I think broke around six or seven months?).

 

You are not really too into specific toys right now; preferring the new over anything familiar. For instance, right now you are “playing” with a travel size bottle of lotion and your toothbrush. Boxes of toys you have and everyday household objects you prefer. Already rushing to grow up, it looks like to me.

That’s the case even when it comes to feeding time. For awhile I thought you were protesting being fed, spitting out and pursing your lips at many of the foods you’d previously lapped up. But recently, I realized I think it’s that you want to feed yourself. I can put a bit of your food on a spoon, hand it to you and you’ll instinctively put it into your mouth and eat a bite or two. I put a handful of cereal on your tray and you squeal with delight at being able to feed yourself.

So, that’s why when I look at you, I no longer see a baby but a person who just happens to be small. And while you might be small on the outside, I can already see that on in the inside, you’re larger than life.

Love,
Mom

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Why I Didn't Pick "One Little Word" For the New Year (But What I'm Doing Instead)

A year is a long time. A year ago, I was still in the ignorance-is-bliss stage of expectant motherhood, with three months to go before I was to give birth to Claire. A lot can happen in a year.

And so, when I read about people selecting and choosing a single word to hang as a banner over the coming year, at first I find it beautiful, the idealism of it all. But then I remember how long a year is, and I find it overwhelming. For me, right now in this season that is ever changing, it seems too much. Committing to living out a single word for an entire year just seems too much, no matter how beautiful it seems right now, with the rush of the holidays just boxed up and a calendar full of pages spread before us.

No, right now, I find I must live in seasons. While committing to a whole year seems daunting, committing to a lesson for a single season seems right for me, whether that season lasts a week, a month or a decade.

So while others are picking and plucking a single word to hang over this coming year, I am settling on a single idea to hang over this current season of mine. And right now, for me, it is this: Learning to hold things loosely.

(Written on paper, it sounds idealistic, too, doesn't it?)

And yet, for me, it feels right. Right now I feel the Lord pulling me to loosen my grip on things: money, possessions, frugality, circumstances, stress, people's reactions, emotions.

They are the things I must stop trying to control, stop trying to cling to. And so, I must learn to hold them loosely. I must learn how to wield them without letting them turn and end up wielding me instead.

Already, only days into the new year and this new lesson of mine, I can feel the Lord working, the Lord helping me let go of some of these things that would have previously riled me up and rang emotion out of me and given me nothing but stress.

It is not one single word for a single year, but it is what the Lord is calling me to right now. It is the banner that he is lifting over this season of mine. And that is beautiful.

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My 3 New Favorite Study Bibles

I’ve found that one of the key elements when it comes to reading through and understanding the Bible has been to have a good study Bible that is filled with helpful footnotes, explanations and cross-references. (Here's a review of the study Bible I use, as well as a review of the study Bible that my husband uses.)

This past year, I got the chance to receive a handful of study Bibles to add into my quiet times, so that I could share my thoughts and experiences with you this year. There are a ton of different study Bibles out there, and my hope is that by getting to compare a couple, you might be able to find the perfect one for you (or at the very least, a good addition to your Bible-study library!).

Here's a look at three of the new study Bibles that I got to try out this year that I loved the best:

Chronological Life Application Study Bible (NLT): I have always wanted a study Bible like this, particularly after doing my chronological Bible reading plan for the two previous years. Essentially, the entire Bible is organized in a chronological pattern based on the order the events are believed to happen (rather than the order they were written or recorded). This is especially helpful when reading things like the Gospel accounts about Jesus, to see side-by-side how the different writers recorded Jesus' sayings and actions.

Interspersed throughout are really in-depth profiles, illustrations and explanations about things like specific characters (Hezekiah), places (Solomon's temple) or even just interesting details, such a photograph of the Appian Way, a main highway during the days of Paul that he likely traveled. It pulls in lots of archeological facts, information, full-color photographs and maps that really help you wrap your head around the history of it all. (I should point out that I loved the fact that this Bible was printed in full color; the pages are heavier to accommodate that, so you don't feel like you're going to rip them with every turn.)

Then, along the top of the pages runs a timeline, showing you during what Biblical "era" (such as during the Birth of Israel or its Exile or once its Return & Diaspora) the section you are reading occurred. Finally, as with any study Bible, littered along the bottom of the pages are specific insights about specific verses. It is not exhaustive—there were still times I was left wondering about what a certain passage meant—but it is very helpful.

The biggest drawback is that it is not a Bible friendly to flipping through (so probably not good for Sunday morning services unless you'll only be staying in one spot in Scripture); the passages are scattered about depending on the chronology so it's harder to locate a passage without going to the directory in the front of the Bible. That being said, I loved this Bible (it was my hands-down favorite of the three) and think it is incredibly handy and insightful for bringing the historical and cultural elements of the Bible to life during your daily quiet times.

NIV Essentials Study Bible: This Bible takes six different resources (the NIV's Study Bible, Quest Study Bible, Archaelogical Study Bible, Student Bible, Great Rescue Bible, and Essential Bible Companion) and weaves them together to utilize the best of each one. There are built-in devotional sections that prompt you to "Reflect and Respond," pulled from The Great Rescue Bible. Or a section answering hard questions like, "Does God Choose Some People and Reject Others?" that comes from the Quest Study Bible. There are character profiles, maps, and archaeological insights, as well as your standard study-Bible call-outs for specific Scriptures at the bottom of every page.

Even though it pulls from all these different resources, it doesn't pull everything from each one; so it isn't exhaustive and you'd still likely find yourself wanting to purchase one of the specific ones to get it's full benefit. That being said, if you don't know what kind of study Bible you want, this can be useful to gauge that or simply to provide a variety to your studies. I do think it provides more in-depth info and call-outs than your standard study Bible, making it a solid resource.

Compass: The Study Bible for Navigating Your Life: This is the "lightest" of the study Bibles and I don't know that I would really call it a study Bible, in the truest sense; there aren't the call-outs running along the bottom of the pages that you would typically be expecting. Instead, the call-outs are integrated into the text. That is what sets this Bible apart and what made me really like it: They collaborated not only with Biblical scholars but also writers and artists to create a Bible translation ("The Voice") that is written in a way that translates not only word for word but also the tone of voice and intentions of the original text.

So sometimes a word may not be in the original text and would have been implied, but in our modern texts we'd leave it out since it wasn't there; The Voice will add it back in to aid comprehension, but in italics so that you're aware of the addition. I found that this really did help me understand a text, in context, without having to jump around or stop to read footnotes.

Another element of The Voice is that any dialogue is written in screenplay format that identifies the speaker but then eliminates the repetition of things like "then he said" that can clutter up a text. It took some getting used to, but I did find it made larger dialogue texts much easier to follow along with. Finally, they integrate additional explanatory text into the text as sidebars; so for example, in Proverbs, there's a call-out that explains that many of the proverbs are written in a Hebrew poetic form known as parallelism.

At first I didn't think I would like how everything was integrated into the text directly, but I have found that it really does make reading and understanding the text much easier when you don't have to jump around for explanations and insights. The only drawback is that other study Bibles (such as the other two I've reviewed here) are able to incorporate more information and details. Still, I oftentimes find myself reaching for this one first when I'm reading a text to get a really solid understanding of the text first, and then using the others to provide additional insights that bring the text to life even more.

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My Busy-Mom Bible Study Plans for 2014

Last year when I started my own Bible study plan I had good intentions. The goal was to slow down and go through specific scriptures at a more indepth pace so that I could really get to know the passages. However, the truth of the matter is that with so many distractions at my fingertips—from a crying then crawling baby to a big cross-country move—this approach made it all too easy for me to slack off or ignore daily quiet times entirely.

Fortunately, once I moved and we found a new church, I was able to join a women's Bible study. I discovered that the structure and accountability that this Bible study offered me is especially important in the season now with Claire. Every week, we work through a workbook of questions on particular passages and then we meet together to discuss those portions. Knowing that I had to report back to them every week really challenged me to make sure that I completed each section of scripture entirely. Also, the guided questions helped me stay on track during the short bursts of time I had available in the midst of watching and parenting Claire when it would otherwise be too easily to skim through and shut my Bible without digging in deeper.

Fortunately, this coming year are Bible study will continue. We've already decided that we will be studying the book of Judges. So that will guide my Bible study efforts for the first part of the year. And I've already decided that during the times when our group is taking a break, to work my way through similar Bible study workbooks (similar to the ones by Beth Moore or Priscilla Shirer that I've completed in the past). I find that right now I need those kinds of prompts to help me stay focused and really dig into scripture. It's all too easy to get distracted. (By the way, if you have any workbooks like this that you'd recommend for solo use, please let me know!)

I've also asked my husband if he'll watch Claire for me for 20 minutes or so each morning so that I can intentionally study the Word in this way. There's plenty of accountability in this, too, as I want to be faithful to the task, knowing that he's giving up his little free time to aid me in this endeavor. Sure, I could read during her naps or when she's playing independently, but I find that I get too easily distracted or pulled to take care of other tasks. This arrangement helps force me to seek out Scripture, and right now I think that's (sadly? honestly?) what I need: to force myself to dig in.

So for now, that is how I'm retooling my Bible study plans for this coming year: Taking advantage of the community and resources available to help maximize my efforts and time. Because let's face it, even though Claire is no longer crying and colicky, she is now crawling and cruising and getting into everything, which means that it's still hard to find large blocks of time to committed to Bible study. My lazy days of curling up on the couch with a hot mug of coffee in hand and casually spending an hour or so on Bible study feel long gone! But I know that God honors and multiplies our efforts and gives us grace in this season of our lives. So, I press on and learn from the past and look forward to what awaits in this new year of ours.

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The Only Resolution That Really Matters

Happy New Year! I hope the holidays treated you and your family well.

With this new year of ours oftentimes comes new plans and goals and all varieties of resolutions. While I’m not much of a resolution maker, one of the things that I have marked the new year with the past couple of years has been to use this fresh start to settle on a Bible reading plan that will guide me for the following months.

For a couple of years, I used a chronological Bible-reading plan that takes you through the Bible more or less in the order that the events written about are thought to have taken place. (For more on this chronological Bible-reading plan and to download a copy, go here.) The goal of this plan is to walk you through the Bible in a year, which makes it not for the faint hearted because it does require a considerable amount of dedication to sit down with your Bible for an hour or so a day.


But by reading events that are grouped together—say the Old Testament prophecies along with the historical records in Kings and Chronicles that explain what was going on at that time—I was able to really wrap my head around how all those stories and segments fit together and think that is by far the greatest strength in this reading plan.

Last year, though, I knew I was going to be more time-strapped, so I decided to slow down and really dig into different Scriptures and to linger with them longer than I was able to when reading through them for this previous plan. My aim was to pick a few books or topics that I could back up and chew on, slowly and intentionally. I pulled commentaries from the library and downloaded some online resources to get more perspectives on these writings. The goal for this slowed-down method of Bible study was to really know them.

Then, I had my baby and much of those good intentions flew out the window and I would grab scraps of Scripture here and there, whenever I could. Honestly, it was not especially fruitful and I am certain I could have been more disciplined and, after awhile, let my role as "a new mom" become an excuse at lazy Bible reading. Which is something I want to change when it comes to my Bible reading goals and plans for this coming year.



So, along that vein, I want to spend the next week or so exploring this discipline of Bible reading: I’ll be sharing some more Bible-study thoughts and resources, as well as more about my goals for my own Bible study plan for this coming year. Because I don't want to just my resolutions to be about losing weight or saving more or spending time better. I want to remember that which is most important: getting to know God better by committing to reading more of His Word.

Are you starting a new Bible reading plan this year? What kind of approach do you use for reading the Scriptures? I'd love to hear more in the comments!

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Merry Christmas!

Wishing you and yours a wonderful and warm, bright and beautiful, precious and perfect holiday this year. I'll be back at the beginning of the New Year with new posts. In the meantime, I hope each of you are able to enjoy it and feel the love of the Lord through all the hustle and bustle, cookies and cakes. Merry Christmas!

P.S. I have been loving reading this board book to Claire lately: Jesus, Me, and My Christmas Tree. Of course she is too young to understand it, but I love the way it intertwines all the traditional decorations of the Christmas tree (lights, ornaments, presents underneath, etc.) and links each one back to Jesus and the significance they have to him. It will definitely be a staple in our Christmas and Advent preparations for the next couple of years to come!

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My Favorite Cloth Diaper For a Perfect Fit (And a Chance to Win Your Own!)

One of the most difficult elements of cloth diapering is getting your diapers to a perfect fit. So many of them are created to pull double- and triple-duty by fitting a baby at various stages of growth so that you only have to buy minimal diapers. With most diapers, you change the diaper's size by moving the snaps along the legs or waist to make them smaller or larger. While this is great for cost-savings, inevitably, a child will fall somewhere between the snaps and for a time, the diaper will be too small or too large, while you're waiting for her to grow into the next size.

Which is why when I found out about SoftBums diapers, I was really excited! They have gotten rid of using snaps to size the diaper leg openings. Instead, they offer a "Slide²Size" feature that allows you to get a perfect fit around your baby's legs (where most leaks occur). Plus, this will accommodate babies  from 5lbs up to 35lbs! The "Slide²Size" feature is basically an elastic ribbon that runs along the legs (see photo below). You can reach inside the diaper and there's a tiny drawstring toggle that you can loosen or tighten to get the perfect fit. Tuck the toggle back inside the diaper out of baby's reach, and you're good to go.



The ability to get the best fit possible is an incredible feature to me, because when you do, you experience significantly fewer leaks with a properly fitting cloth diaper than you do with disposables. I love that!

They sent me one of the SoftBums Omni diapers to review to try this feature out for myself. Here's what it looks like on Claire:



It did take me a bit of trial-and-error to get the slides in the correct position so that the elastic around the legs were tight enough to keep in leaks but loose enough to be comfortable on her without leaving red marks. (I did find that to have the diaper tight enough to keep leaks in, she did have some pressure marks around her thighs, but they don't seem to bother her.) The diaper comes with suggested lengths for how long the elastic should be, depending on the size of your baby's legs, to ease this process, though.

One of the other features I like about the Omni diaper, in particular, is that it offers you more flexibility with how you use it: You can put it on over a prefold (which is the typical way I cloth diaper). Or, you can purchase SoftBum's "pod system" which are basically microfiber pads that snap into the diaper so that they stay in place. There's a pocket in the back of the diaper that you can stuff the pod into, making it a pocket diaper. You can also just lay the pods (or folded prefolds) on top of the diaper lining so that you can reuse the cover again until it's soiled. (Find out more about the Omni System from SoftBums here.)

I love all the options! It really allows you to experiment and figure out what system works best for you. Do you want to prefold and use it as a diaper cover or stuff and use it as a pocket diaper?

Plus, the interior is nice and soft against baby's skin. I am loving the microfiber terry that lines it and that the pods are made of, which help wick moisture away. (That is why SoftBums diapers protect against rash, and according to their website, prevent up to 80% less rash than disposables!) I found that the microfiber worked so well that sometimes I couldn't even tell if she'd wet her diaper or not. I love that effectiveness and can only imagine how much more comfortable it is for her sensitive skin!

All in all, I loved the versatility of the SoftBums Omni diaper and would wholeheartedly recommend it to others who are interested in cloth diapering. Fortunately, SoftBums is offering one Life Blessons reader the chance to receive an Omni diaper of their own. Simply leave a comment on this post telling me which SoftBums diaper you would choose, and I'll select a winner on Saturday, December 28. Find out more about SoftBums diapers and follow them on Facebook and Twitter.

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