An Honest Look Back at The First Year of Marriage / GUEST POST


I think that when we look back on our first year of marriage from here on out, we're going to think to ourselves, "Thanks be to God, we made it."

Yes, there were a lot of great, romantic, lovely, wonderful moments. But yes, there were also a lot of uncomfortable, serious, mean, relationship-altering moments.

We have taken in a lot this first year of marriage. We were still getting to know each other and finding things out about the other person that sometimes we really didn't like. We were still trying to learn one another's heart and what makes them tick and then in the low times, using those things against one another. We had only known each other for nine months when we began our married journey and if I can be candid, we questioned if those nine months were enough. If maybe we should have waited longer or if this was even the right decision in the first place.

The first few months were good. We were settling in and making his home our home. We were unpacking boxes and gifts and getting settled into a routine that worked for both of us. We were in the clouds of newlywededness and married bliss and romance and the surreal life.

And then, months seven through ten came along. Months seven through ten were rough. I think they were more rough on me than him, because he is just plain more go-with-the-flow than I am. I feel everything. Physically and mentally, I feel every little feeling of pain, hurt, betrayal, you name it. I struggled big time in those four months and looking back, I don't ever want to go back to that.

I struggled with doubts. Was this where my life was supposed to be? Was this the man I was supposed to marry? Was this what God wanted for me, us?

I struggled with not being in the single circle anymore. Almost all of my friends here are single and I felt like I didn't fit in. At all. I didn't know how to relate anymore and I so desperately wanted to relate. I didn't know how to blend my married life with their single life, so I just stopped trying.

I struggled with loneliness. Big time loneliness. I felt isolated from friends and felt like I wasn't included in anything anymore. I leaned on Chris to make me feel not lonely and then when he failed, I turned against him. I started getting very homesick and there were nights where I just wanted to pack up and leave town to get to a familiar place.

I struggled with the picture I thought marriage was supposed to be. I wanted to be wooed and pursued and talked to with the sweetest selection of words. Instead, there were bills to be paid and dinners to be cooked and our lives still had to continue to be lived with our jobs and commitments. There was little time for the rest of it and I was desperate for all of it.

There were fights. Slammed doors (my bad habit as my parents can attest to). Stomps up and down the stairs. Yelling. Choice words. Tears. Lots of tears. Questions. Doubts.



The fights led to us stopping and quieting ourselves and our hearts to dig down deep to the root of why were fighting in the first place. We learned the ins and outs of the other's heart so that we could learn to tread more carefully the next time.

The slammed doors opened up new doors of communication and how we could better tell the other person how we were really feeling. Truth is, the slammed door is how I sometimes felt - like a door was being slammed in my face.

The yelling and choice words were deemed unnecessary when we learned how to talk to one another the way the other person needed to be talked to. I need lots of affirmation. He needs lots of affirmation as well, but with a tone of respect.

The tears (95% mine) were cleansing. It's amazing that as tears come out, so do words. Words that have been wedged so deep in the crevices of our hearts because we don't know how to make sense of them. Tears seem to piece them all together sometimes.

The questions were slowly answered.

The doubts were slowly turned into reassurances.

Months eleven and twelve saw a new beginning with new communication and new ways of showing the other person that we are in this for-e-ver. We were committed from day one, and we never intended to end what we started. But in those dark moments, doubts and lies and questions would creep up and try to steal it away from us.

I don't wish that we would have had to get all the way down to nothing for us to experience what we were meant to all along. I don't wish for the fights and nights of tears. But, they happened and I can't erase those ugly moments.

I can, however, look back and see how God has swept us off of our shaking feet and lifted us into something wonderful. Something that has been wonderful from the very beginning; we just haven't had the clear eyes to notice. I can now look back on this past year and see how God has taught our desperate hearts to see what He created marriage to be. A union, a servanthood, a vision of His love for us.

It truly can only go up from here, and I can't wait.

Jordy says, "I blog about life, faith and marriage over at Jordy Liz Blogs. I was born and raised in Texas, but now live in the deserts of Arizona with my husband, dog, and soon-to-be baby. By day, I work in an office, and by night, I'm a blogger and freelance editor. Come visit!"


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