Rejoicing In A Morning Slowed

This morning I felt unusually peaceful and patient and calm and unhurried. As I sat at the breakfast table with my Bible opened wide, I did not rush through my daily reading like usual. Instead, I thumbed through the concordance at the end, looking up my latest curiosities, seeking stories I couldn't remember clearly, pausing over all the noted places where Scriptures speak of things like "joy."

I pulled out my notebook and journaled, a practice I all too often abandon when time seizes up and captures my attention, pulling me away from what truly is most eternally urgent for that which is simply of the moment.

It was so unusual, that I noticed it. Isn't that sad? I took note of the fact that today, I simply sat before the King and drank in his presence without regard to all the things calling to me, "Martha! Martha!"

I dearly welcomed this change of pace. And it got me wondering...why was today any different? Is it that I no longer have a day's worth of work duties beckoning me to the computer and to emails and to phone calls?

Then I remembered this morning's prayer. As I watched my husband walk out the front door, lunch in hand, I could tell he was feeling rushed. I could tell his morning was not getting off to the best start. So as I closed the door behind him, I prayed for him, that the ticking of the clock and burden of responsibilities might be overwhelmed by God's peace "which transcends all understanding." (Philippians 4:7)

I prayed that for my husband, and yet I realized that God, in his goodness, shared that gift even with me, though I hadn't realized that I needed it, too. What a kind and generous God we serve.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village.

And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.

And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.

But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said,

“Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,

but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:38-42

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Decision-Making: Out of Fear or Faith?

photo by chany14

Want to know something funny about how God works?

Remember when I got the job offer that I ended up turning down? Only days before my second interview with them when they offered me the job, I received an email from the company I'm currently freelancing for, extending my contract by at least two months. That probably doesn't sound like a lot of time to anyone else, but for me, living on the knowledge of only one month at a time, that's luxury. My entire definition of stability has been overhauled and having more than 30 days, well that's more stability than I've known in quite awhile!

Having that knowledge made it easier for me to turn the job down, knowing that it wasn't (at least for the time being), this crummy, queasiness-inducing offer or nothing. It made it easier for me to step out in faith and say "no" even when logic might compel someone to decide otherwise.

I’ve learned a thing or two over the past year and a half when it comes to big decisions like this one…

I remember, two summers ago, trying to decide whether to take a job in a new state where I knew no one. I remember being scared to take it, what if it didn't work out? But I also had been witness to God going before me and opening this door, and I knew that I couldn't turn back now, just because of fear. I stepped out in faith and took the job and moved to Michigan.

I remember this past summer, when Michael and I were getting married and trying to decide whether to move to Atlanta or stay in Michigan. This time it was different though, because it wasn't clear either way; there were pros and cons to each. I felt like God, rather than closing one door and opening the other, was, this time, opening both as viable options and saying, "This time, you get to choose." And as I thought more about this decision, I started to hone in on this idea of fear. The idea of moving to Atlanta, leaving all "security" behind, was the scary decision, calling for a bigger leap of faith. And I realized I didn't want to make a decision based on fear. And so we ended up packing up and moving to Atlanta.

Those two life-changing decisions, made less than a year apart, have had an incredible impact on me and came into play with this job offer decision. I recognized that I would only take the job based on fear, fear of not knowing where my next paycheck might come from when this freelancing gig dries up. "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." I think there's a lot of truth to that statement, and I'm trying to learn to not let fear steer me in my decision making but instead walk by faith. And, as He's shown me in these previous examples and time and time again throughout my life, God has not let me down yet when I do.

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A mini-tour of our apartment: Getting creative with storage

 
Continuing the mini-tour of our apartment I wanted to share a vignette from our hallway and some more makeshift answers to our lack of storage. As I mentioned before, our apartment has a great amount of living space, but not much storage. This has caused us to have to get creative.

Our bathroom in particular offers little storage room, except for under the sink and a basket we've placed over the toilet. But with boxes of toiletries and stacks of towels and washcloths, we needed more than that provided.

We ended up placing an extra bookshelf in the hall outside the bathroom and turning into a storage station. After buying a few packages of white, cardboard boxes from IKEA (originally intended for coralling CDs), I was able to label each box and organize our toiletries: One box holds all our medicines and first-aid type needs; another hides toothbrushes, toothpaste and floss; another is for shower gels and soaps; another for haircare; and a last one for miscellaneous goods.

Over the bookshelf and our stack of clean towels, I put up a hodge podge of thriftstore-find paintings and framed photographs in a gallery-type arrangement. For a long time, I'd wanted to try something like this, and I like how it gives place and purpose to the bookcase, sitting randomly in our hallway.

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The encouraging testimonies of answered prayers

photo by Hamed Saber

One of the greatest blessings during my 11-month stint living in Grand Rapids was the weekly prayer group I attended at Mars Hill. I got to see firsthand--in my own life and in others’--the power that prayer can have, from the mundane (like the fact that I had a good hair on my interview day) to the miraculous (people being healed from diseases, incredible financial provision, etc). Hearing the stories of what God was doing in other people’s lives still awes me, time after time, and encourages me to pray more fervently and expectantly with my prayers.

So it’s that idea of encouraging your faith through the power of prayer that I’m turning to now, and sharing just a sampling of these testimonies, which I receive in a monthly email update from that prayer group, lovingly known as The W. (If you want to find out more about The W, or to sign up to receive these updates, visit HearingGod.org.)

Prayer is powerful: Testimonies of God answering the prayers of his people

• A woman testified about her dire financial situation and how she had received $15 in the mail. Her response was to thank God for gas money to get her to work. …. She had a big rent payment coming due and she did not know how she was going to pay it. She was praying fervently. She went to the bank with the idea to ask the teller to bring up her account information so she would know for sure, what she had. She approached the teller and told her what she wanted and the teller said ‘sure, no problem, I’ll bring up your information on the screen’.  Suddenly, the screen went black, and the computer shut down. The teller apologized and said she would have to reboot. Julie is praying while the computer comes back on.  The teller gets her account up and says: “you have -------- in your account” Julie looks stunned, and says, can you repeat that?  She repeated the amount and Julie again asks, “what did you say?” Finally the teller wrote it on a sticky note. Julie was in awe because she did not know where the money came from. Julie came away from the bank having enough money to pay her rent, utilities, gas for car and food. You are Jehovah Jireh!
  
  
• A woman was praying for her daughter who had been molested as a young girl and was now giving them fits as a young teenager.  Within a week the daughter approached her Mom wanting to talk and opened up confessing sin in her life and asking for prayer and the Holy Spirit melted her heart and began the healing process.  We do bless you Healing Lord.
   
• A woman asked her Dad to come over and fix her toilet.  That night while at the “W” a young woman prayed for her toilet that it would be fixed and running fine.  When her Dad got there he came out and asked what he was supposed to fix since it was “running fine”.  God, You act even on the mundane details of our life.
   
• A man was prayed for because of an abrasion on his eye which was healed instantly.  He also was suffering from a degenerative condition in his eye that was causing great concern.  We found out this past week that he went back to the doctor and his eye and his vision is completely normal.  Way cool. 

• An intercessor couple that is a part of the “W” saw their grandkids pray for people’s healing.  Two people were healed instantly.  Thank You Lord for allowing us to pass these truths to the coming generations.
  
  
• A woman was at the “W” and still suffering foot pain after the ministry time.  She heard the Holy Spirit say “stop praying for the pain to go away and pray for new arches in your feet”.  She asked another woman to pray with her and as they prayed they both felt her foot move and an arch appeared where there was none before.  They kept praying and the other foot moved as well.  Father, You indeed guide us into all truth including the truth of how to pray. 

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Six months of marriage: One more answered prayer

one of our wedding photos by fyrefly photography

Today, Michael and I celebrate six months of being married.

Though it admittedly isn’t all that long in the grand scheme of things, it is pretty incredible to look back and see how far we’ve come: A year and a half ago, I was single and living in Cincinnati. At the time, there were two prayers on my heart: 1. To meet the godly man I would marry, and 2. Find a job in Grand Rapids and start the next chapter of my life.

I had only been praying adamantly and intentionally about both of those for a few months when I penned this journal entry titled, "things are happening… i can see it," that reflects on God working in these two prayers:

July 15, 2008

All I can say is that I feel like I’m at a point where I’m really able to watch God work. It used to be that God would do stuff without me realizing it and I wasn’t aware that the steps I was taking would lead here or there. But now, I feel like I’m finally able to see it and perceive in, in real, live time.

It kind of reminds me of the part in Fantasia where the magic just starts to kick in, and it’s happening little by little. But after awhile it swells into this huge symphony of magic coming together. Right now, it’s that beginning. Where the buckets are teetering and brooms are waking up and they’re starting that little dance, just now stirring. And to think i’m able to watch it as it happens to me and those around me. It’s so awesome.

“If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it…”

It’s interesting to note that when I wrote that, I had no word about a job in Grand Rapids and no men on the horizon. I knew Michael, but was convinced he had no interest in me so I had no expectation that anything would happen there at all.

Yet, there was a feeling in my bones that God was at work with these prayers. What do you know? Within weeks, I had my first date with Michael and a job offer in a city with one of the country's most depressed employment rates. A year later,  I was already a married woman and planning my next cross-country move. Miracles wrought, revealing that God can make the impossible possible, the loftiest of prayers come true, faster than we ever anticipated.

It has been so amazing to look back and see how God laid those prayers so heavily on my heart and then--why am I surprised?--answered them in such an incredible and powerful manner. A year and a half later, I'm still in awe and ever-so thankful, as both of them have indelibly changed my life and my heart!

Happy anniversary, Michael. I love you!

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Lessons I'm Learning: Embracing the unknown

photo by nicole st. john

It feels like right now Michael and I are settling into a season of unknowing: While I'm working on a month-to-month freelance gig and looking for a full-time job, Michael is finishing up his last year of school and preparing to be a teacher. But as we all know, the teaching profession isn't all that ripe if you aren't a math/science/special ed teacher, so even there this is a big question mark looming overhead about what will happen.

And yet, while neither of us know what the future will bring and everything seems continually up in the air, I'm beginning to see the Lord at work, teaching us to release our worries, teaching us to let go of our need to have everything guaranteed for months to come, teaching us to be satisfied with a limited amount of foresight for our daily bread, teaching us to trust and increasing that trust day by day, month by month.

You, see, in spite of "not knowing" for the past 5 months, every month has been provided for us, whether it's income, groceries, a broken computer or anything else. Over and over again, he's showing us to continue on in faith and allow him to provide for us continually.

And for that, I'm learning to thank the Lord for this. I know I should praise God for the good and the bad, because you never know what He has in store to redeem the bad or the unfortunate. But it's only now where I'm able to start seeing and recognizing the fruits this experience has allowed us: growing our relationship with God, but also teaching us about being wise with our finances and learning to lean on one another.

It's beautiful when these sorts of truth begin to reveal themselves, when the foggy veil starts to pull away and the clarity of hindsight gives way. I've been listening to the free music web stream, live from the International House of Prayer and they're playing a song as I write that goes, "He's giving me counsel, even in the night. He's giving me counsel; I will bless the LORD." What a great encouragement to know that!

(I would definitely encourage you to log on and listen to the IHOP webstream. I just let it play in the background while I'm working, emailing, whatever. I've had the privilege of getting to visit there twice now, and love what they're doing there and the example they're setting with their commitment to around-the-clock prayer and worship.)

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Learning to embrace where God was calling me--even when it was the last thing I wanted to do

photo by manunited 

Two winters ago, I was chaperoning our youth group to a teen conference in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. I remember we were in the auditorium and as the band was playing a song, one line stuck out to me: “Where you lead me, I will follow….Even if I walk alone, Lord, this I choose to do,” As I sang along, the reality of that lyric hit me. And I prayed, God I love you, but please don’t make me go anywhere by myself. Please don’t make me have to do it alone. Please don’t…

Six months later, I was packing my belongings in boxes, preparing to move to a new city, for a new job…by myself. And yet, now, I was now doing it willingly, even enthusiastically. God had changed my heart: He made me excited about this change and impressed upon me, time and time again, that this was what I needed to do. Even though it was scary, he equipped me with all the courage I needed to overcome this fear.

I learned a lot from that experienced, but what I especially learned was how good God is. I think many of us are afraid that God is going to make us do things we don’t want to do--he’s going to call the person who loves small, hometown life and send her off to be a missionary in Africa. Or he’s going to make someone else who loves to dance, stop dancing. This is a grave misunderstanding of who God is. God loves us. He does not delight in making us miserable. And that’s the fear many of us hold in our hearts.

As I learned from my experience, even when God does call you to do that which is completely unnatural to you, he helps you reach the point to where you can embrace it--where you know it’s good for you. God even says that he will give us the desires of our heart. He is good. And anything that he is calling us to is for our own good.  I truly believe that, if we trust him and an idea of what he’s calling us toward, that he will fill in the gap of fear we might have and he’ll make the path straight.

For me, my journey to doing the unthinkable and moving to Michigan by myself was a long road: First I got the idea of finding a job in the Christian publishing world. Then I made a new friend who was talking about moving to Grand Rapids with another friend. Lo and behold, there are three Christian publishers in the little town of Grand Rapids. As it turns out, one of those publishers is the only company who asked to interview me and then give me a job. But around this time, my friend found another opportunity in another city to explore and though I was scared of being on my own, God had given me a heart of courage and a deep sense of peace regarding this decision. I encouraged her to go to Kansas City instead, and suddenly found myself living out the lyrics I had once prayed so adamantly against.

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Some of the everyday miracles God has blessed us with lately

I’ve found that it’s important for me to marvel over the incredible, albeit everyday, miracles God has blessed me with. I’ve also found that hearing about other people’s everyday miracles can be quite an encouragement to my own faith, particularly in those times when doubt begins to set in or when I start to grow impatient with my own prayers as God seems nowhere to be found. Hearing testimonies from other people who I actually know, encourages me to press on and continue to wait and hold the cry of Psalm 27 dear: "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

So here are just a couple recent examples of how God has answered our prayers, worked through us or provided for us when circumstances looked otherwise:

A critter in the night: Our unwelcome houseguest
We live in an old apartment building from the 1920s. Despite the fact that we're on the second floor, we've occasionally woken up in the middle of the night to a scratching in our bedroom wall. The first time was about 2 months ago, but by banging on the wall whenever the scratching started (I was going for a Pavlovian scare-tactic effect), the critter soon gave up and abandoned its post in our wall. This past week though, we awoke in the middle of the night to a new noise. This scratching wouldn't stop and we could hear it moving in the wall. It went on for two nights, waking us up. I'd bang on the wall to see if that would be another easy answer, but no such luck with this persistent fellow: He just kept on scampering and scratching. Finally, Michael got the bright idea: To pray about it. He prayed for the animal to leave and immediately the noise stopped...and has not come again since. We shouldn't be surprised that when we pray for something, that God would answer us--we should be more surprised when we pray and nothing happens. And yet we were.

Perfect timing for a belated $25 check
Michael and I tithe, but we like to give depending on where needs lie--whether it's to a new cause we've discovered or a friend in need as well as to our church. Last month, Michael wanted to send some money to one of his friends who is interning at a church in California. By the time Michael got around to writing the check, we only had $25 left of our tithe for the month, but he went ahead and wrote the check anyway, hoping it would be helpful even though it wasn't very substantial at all. Within days, we received a phone call from his friend who was freaking out: Evidently one of his bills had been raised by $25 that month and because he was living month-to-month, he had not allotted money to cover the increase. He wasn't sure what to do, but then our check arrived that day--the exact amount he needed. We were afraid it wouldn't really be useful and yet God aligned the timing and amount to provide for exactly what was needed and when it was needed--no more, no less. What beautiful providence.

Filling our cupboards when our grocery budget was spent
Michael and I keep a monthly budget that we still fight and wrestle against to stay within its limits. We had reached every dollar limit for every category and still had a week to go. Our fridge was lacking and our pantry bare, but we really wanted to try to stick to our month-to-month budget and make do with what we did happen to have.  It wasn’t even something I thought to pray about, but just as soon as we were trying to figure out what our next meal might consist of (pasta and veggie burger? peanut butter and jelly sandwich?), we received a $50 Trader Joe’s gift card for Michael as a belated birthday gift. It could not have been more perfect timing for us and we were able to get everything on our shopping list--even a new kind of beer to try, in celebration. Just as God feeds the birds in the air, he keeps our bellies full, too. We are indeed worth more to him than the little birds.

Through all of these, God again and again reminds me that he “already knows all [my] needs and he will give [me] all [I] need from day to day if [I] live for him and make the kingdom of God [my] primary concern.” (Matthew 6:32) I’m still learning (and praying) to make him my primary concern--I would not say that I’ve reached that maturity in my faith yet by any means. Still he remains faithful, even now, as I learn.

P.S. To stay updated, you can have all my future blog posts sent directly to you via email or RSS feed by clicking on those links. (Let me know if they don't work.) Thanks for reading! 

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The many blessings I have to be thankful for this year

original photo by talon.k

Looking over the past year, there is much--very much--for me to be thankful for. Seeing as it is Thanksgiving, it only seems fitting to pause to look back and reminisce over all that has been given to me, all that has painted the story of my life this past year.

I am thankful for...

GRAND RAPIDS
...making it in Grand Rapids--moving to a new city, knowing one soul and taking on a new job in a position I knew little about.
...meeting incredible people and friends and spiritual mentors during this short season of time in my life
...the grace and strength God gave me while living there, as I learned to appreciate solitude and turn to him when days seemed too hard to handle.

LOVE
...the long-distance relationship I was able to nurture over this past year and for the dozens of plane tickets that allowed it to flourish.
...Michael's unending grace and forgiveness toward me, as I learned how to cherish another person's heart.
...his commitment to take me as I am, countless imperfections and all, and propose to me with marriage, on a dark Friday night as the rain poured down around us in his driveway.

MARRIAGE
...being able to plan our wedding in 10 weeks, with detail after detail falling into place to create the wedding I'd always hoped for in a budget that my parents could happily afford inspite of our impossible-seeming timeline. (Many of my prayers during this time revolved around begging God to be my wedding planner to get everything done in time. He truly wears many titles and answers many prayers!)
...the shower of kindness we received from friends and family with wedding gift after wedding gift so that we hardly lack a thing.
...finding a reasonable apartment to live in during our one-month stint in Grand Rapids as newlyweds.

ATLANTA
...moving to Atlanta and locating a beautiful apartment to call "home sweet home."
...having an income to support us, even after quitting my full-time job for the move.
...getting to work from home as a freelancer and make up my own schedule, so that I can hang out with Michael while he's home, and work while he's at school or studying. It has been such a great opportunity to start off our marriage this way, rather than rushing past each other on my way here or his way there. We actually get to spend time together.

NEW LIFE
...living down the street from a lovely, sprawling park perfect for people-watching and spending time in nature on a slow and sunny afternoon.
...finding a new church, only blocks away from our home. It is here where I am learning to appreciate liturgy and search out community.
...learning to become a helpmeet and a homemaker. Even in this season where I have a job and we're not yet starting our family, I'm becoming aware of what my future holds and the virtues and needs that it will require. So I begin to take tiny steps to prepare. One today, one tomorrow. Soon I will be ready for the future when it's time has come.

LOVED ONES
...my family, the one I was born with and the one I've been given through marriage. As is the case for many newlyweds, times have financially been tight. Whether it's receiving our honeymoon as a gift from an in-law or my cousin offering to fix my persnickity laptop for free or Michael's grandma sending us "in-case-of-emergency" money, we have yet to feel the burden of our situation alone.
...my friends, who are only a phone call or an email (or a Facebook message) away, and always willing to respond to my random queries and make "home" feel a little less far away.
...my husband, who continues to be my very best friend who makes me laugh more than I ever have and always encourages me, even when I come to him with my tail between my legs, apologizing yet again. I've learned that one of my Love Languages must be gifts because nothing gets me as excited as when he brings me an unrequested cup of coffee (just the way I like it) and a dark chocolate candy bar. He knows me all too well :)
...my God, who never gives up on me, never kicks me to the curb, even when I deserve it. Even when I abandon him, he does not abandon me, but takes me back when I take a tiny step back toward his direction. He provides for me even during those times, proving to me again and again that I am his beloved, the apple of his eye, that he is ever good and ever faithful and ever merciful. Time and time again.

For all this and much, much more, I am thankful. Happy Thanksgiving!

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A mini-tour of our new home: The built-in cabinets in the office

Michael and I have lived in Apt #10 for over 3 months now. There are still a number of things on my to-do list (namely, add some artistry to our living room and kitchen), but in the meantime, we're mostly settled in our "home sweet home."

In celebration, thought I'd share a little bit about our place, and a couple photos of one of my favorite unexpected gems in our apartment: the built in cabinetry in our office. Evidently, our building is from the 1920s, and this seems to be one of the sole survivors of that time period. I love the extra amount of storage it provides (because otherwise, we only have one non-bedroom closet to hide our stuff).

My desk is set up across from the hutch, so these cabinets stash all my work goodies as well as  office and craft supplies. To mask the mess that my piles of paper can sometimes morph into, I bought a couple rolls of pretty damask-patterned wrapping paper from Michael's and taped them to the insides of the glass doors, which I like because it brings a little panache to the place.

Finally, the 4 paintings displayed on the shelf were a wedding present from my dear friend Mallory who handpainted the canvases for us with my favorite verse: "He makes all things beautiful..." (Ecc. 3:11). What a good friend, huh? And ever-fitting.

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Why we moved to Atlanta--and left a well-paying job, in this economy

photo by chany14

I thought I’d share a little bit about the decision-making that went into our decision to move to Atlanta as newlyweds.

As most of you know, my husband and I met and dated long-distance for the first 10 months of our courtship. My husband had long-intended to spend his summer in Grand Rapids with me, but when we got engaged and decided to get married over the summer, we had a decision to make: Stay in Michigan or move to Atlanta?

While some people encouraged us to consider a long-distance marriage (seriously), we knew that was out of the question. There were benefits and drawbacks to each option:

In Michigan, I had a well-paying, full-time job with good benefits. In this economy, that is not to be taken lightly. However, it would mean having to figure out an alternative for my husband finishing up college. Ultimately, our goal is that when we start our family, he will be the breadwinner so that I can stay home and raise our kids (which is the way both of us were raised and has been my heart’s desire for raising my own family). So it was very important that we not delay him finishing up his degree and getting a job, plus he is studying to be a teacher and the teaching market is pretty nonexistent in Michigan, so we guessed that eventually we’d have to move anyway for him to find a job.

Moving to Atlanta, though, was full of question marks. My husband would be able to finish up his last year in college, uninterrupted. He has a scholarship that covers his entire tuition, which we both consider a great perk because we want to keep our debt to a minimum--even if it is “good debt.” Georgia’s teaching market is more favorable than that in Michigan or Ohio. However, it would mean me leaving my job and us not knowing what we would do for income or how we would get by.

Once he moved to Grand Rapids, we spent the first month praying about this decision until we ultimately decided to make the decision in favor of our future rather than our current circumstances: We would move to Atlanta.

Now, at the time, as I was praying through it, I didn’t feel that we had to move to Atlanta. I really felt like God impressed upon me that both decisions were good decisions and either one would be okay. However, the Atlanta decision was a greater leap of faith while staying in Grand Rapids would mostly be made out of fear of the unknown. With that on my heart, we decided in favor of moving to Atlanta.

And I have to say it was a great decision. Time after time, God has awed me with his provision and blessing during this move, from a steady (albeit impermanent) income to enough wedding money to pay for our entire ($1500+) move down here, and then some. We continue to thank God for each day he has given us, our manna that provides us with our daily bread. Though we still don’t know what awaits us or how this will all work out, we continue to trust that he will be faithful to his Word and his name: Jehovah Jireh, God our Provider.

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