For The Times When You're Sick of Serving

For most of us, church isn’t just a place we go on Sundays and sit in the pews. It’s a place where we get involved and take up that task of following in Jesus’ footsteps, who used some of his last moments on earth to impress upon his disciples the importance of serving one another, which he exemplified by stooping to wash their feet and then dying the death of the suffering servant.

So the fact that we’re called to serve one isn’t some foreign concept. It’s pretty integral to this faith we follow. But, frankly? Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes it’s simply not fun. And yet? We’re still called to serve.

That has been something I recently found myself struggling with, as I looked around and found myself eying people who come to church and yet are only there during service times, not involved in a single ministry or even showing up at any of the fun fellowship events, while I was responsible for a variety of tasks, not all of which I actually enjoyed.

To be sure, that’s called “judging” and it’s not something I’m proud of. But it’s the truth and it riled up in me something I needed to wrestle with. It actually made me angry that they weren’t serving, but it wasn’t a righteous kind of anger. At some point I realized, much of that anger was due to the fact that I was jealous of them. I was jealous that they didn’t have to “do anything.” All they had to do was show up for an hour and then go home and no one seemed to mind.

I realize that, honestly, a part of me wanted that too, wanted to not have the responsibility or the duty of serving.

There’s a parable that Jesus taught during his ministry that isn’t exactly one of the oft-quoted or used-in-sermon-examples ones. But it’s one that has captivated my heart because of the grace and mercy of it.

In this parable, Jesus is talking about the Kingdom of Heaven. In it, he tells about how a father asked his two sons to go work in the family’s vineyard. The first son refuses, but later changes his mind and does the work anyway. The second son agrees to the work, but never ends up doing it.

“Which of the two obeyed his father?” Jesus asked. The first, everyone agreed (Matthew 21:28-32).

Specifically, Jesus is talking about how sinners reject God’s commands at first but then turn back to him while the religious leaders say they follow him but don’t. But I think there’s also another layer to the story. While good intentions matter, sometimes what matters the most is what you actually end up doing.

In this parable, it’s pretty obvious that the first son doesn’t want to do the work. Yet, he does it anyway. And that—his action, not his natural desire—is deemed as obedience. And obedience is a big deal to Jesus: “If you love me, obey my commandments,” he says in John 14:15.

So, sometimes? We have to do the things we don’t want to do, simply because it’s obeying God.

All this wrestling came to a head when I clicked on the verse-of-the-day feature in the Bible app I use as part of my Bible study arsenal (you can read more about those recommended resources here). It could not have been timelier, as it spoke clearly to the situation at hand:

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith” (Galatians 6:9-10).

“Let’s not get tired.” Ah. God knows that sometimes obeying him and serving others can become difficult. Yet, he speaks to us lovingly, with an encouraging pep talk rather than disapproval: Keep pressing on. Keep obeying. Keep serving. Whether it’s easy or not. Because if we do? There’s a “harvest of blessing” that awaits us.

That was the encouragement I needed to stop looking at what everyone else was or wasn’t doing and focus back on what truly matters: following in the footsteps of the ultimate servant.

This article first appeared on iBelieve, on December 3, 2012.

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Spirit-Led Parenting: A Giveaway!

This week, I've been highlighting a book I read when things were crazy for me with Claire. It was a much-needed balm to my soul during those days, that I wanted to make sure that you all were aware of it, too. You can read my full review of the book here. And you can also read some more back-story to the book in a guest post that one of the book's authors, Laura Oyer, wrote here.

But finally, you can have the chance to win a copy of your own! Laura is graciously providing three books for Life Blessons readers to win, so take a moment now to comment on this post and let me know why you want to win a copy of this book. Then, on Friday, July 12th, I'll select three winners to get a copy of Spirit-Led Parenting by Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer.

(If you're reading this in your email or in an RSS reader, make sure to click over to the comments and leave your comment about why you want to win this book. Also, make sure I have a way to contact you if you're one of the three winners!)

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Spirit-Led Parenting: Learning to Lean Not On Our Own Understanding (A Guest Post)

Yesterday, I shared a review of the book Spirit-Led Parenting by Laura Oyer and Megan Tietz. Today, I'm thrilled to share a special guest post with you by one of the book's authors, Laura. Then, check back on Friday for a chance to win your own copy of Spirit-Led Parenting!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Confession time: I am a person who greatly prefers to lean on my own understanding. I seek out foolproof plans and clear-cut solutions, and find great comfort in control. During my first pregnancy, I practically memorized the popular baby-care books given to me, convinced by the success of friends and confident methods I studied page-by-page that this was the way to ensure myself an infant who slept well, ate well, and fell into an obedient, predictable schedule.

You can imagine, then, how life-shaking it was when my first child did nothing according to my expectations. We began with intense breastfeeding struggles that threw my sense of control into complete disarray. Maya’s eating frequency and sleeping habits did not look at all familiar compared with the neatly laid-out charts I’d studied. My baby needed to eat a lot. She woke up frequently. She preferred to be held all the time. And although she was happy and thriving, I could not allow myself to be the same, because not only was my daughter unable to do what the books and my well-meaning friends insisted she should do, I couldn’t either.

Nothing made sense. I tried to lean back onto my own wisdom and found confusion instead. If the books said, “Your baby will” and my baby didn’t, what was wrong with her? If they said, “You have to” and I couldn’t, what was wrong with me? Through desperate prayers, I’d asked God to just make it work, and He didn’t seem to be answering. What was happening?

My own understanding convinced me that I was failing.

If we let Him, God can use that first intense year of baby’s life to train us how to live a life that is fully surrendered to Him. To cultivate in us a trust that follows His lead, seeks Him first, and understands His grace. Spirit-Led Parenting, page 41

In our book, my friend Megan and I share the tumultuous stories of how God led each of us through blinding fears to previously-unknown freedom during the first year of motherhood, and how this often-messy journey impacted our homes, marriages, and spiritual lives. Our tear-drenched days and nights spent obsessing over how the “right way” wasn’t working, gave way to the beautiful discovery that there just isn’t a God-given command regarding a one-size-fits-all approach to infant sleep and feeding and other baby-care specifics. What works beautifully with some babies and in some homes is not going to be the answer for others, and what we all have in common is that we are simply asked to follow after the God who calls each of us – and our little ones – His children.

One thing that I see now more than ever before is that God knows me. He loves me enough to look at my tightly-gripped control and attachment to steady plans and firm answers, and ask me to lay them down.

He was not absent in my early days of motherhood, He was leading. And where He beckoned would mean trusting in Him with my whole heart, not just a portion. Rather than lean back into the perceived safety of my own understanding, He asked me to change my posture altogether.

Lean forward, He said.

Lean forward to fall in love with my baby as a unique creation. To let go of the expectation that she would conform to a cookie-cutter set of behaviors and responses.

Lean forward to hear God’s life-giving whisper through the choking cloud of “you must” and “every baby needs to” and “never do this”. To trust that Maya and I were both intimately known by Him, and both of our needs were covered.

Lean forward into the not knowing. To the discomfort of jumping without a safety net of prescribed answers.

Lean forward toward a mindset that no longer views parenting as something to manage or conquer, but as a journey of faith and trust.

Lean forward and experience motherhood as a vividly hands-on way to know what it truly means to follow Christ’s example as a servant leader.

I know now that drawing back into my own wisdom and expectations brings only heartache. Patience, humility, joy in each circumstance, peace amidst laundry piles and hope throughout weary 3:00 AM feedings? These things are not possible when I’m sitting back and operating out of self, but only through God’s Spirit in me if I will seek Him out and yield to trust. This shift in posture and perspective not only transformed the way I parented my babies, it carried into every area of my life, decimating some ugly habits and revealing the wild and wonderful path into surrendered living.

By giving me the gift of a child who needed me to care for her differently than I had planned, God saved me from myself. In teaching me to release control, He brought freedom to my life. Spirit-Led Parenting, page 203

The freedom was there all along. It just meant learning to lean a new direction.

Laura Oyer is co-author of Spirit-Led Parenting: From Fear to Freedom in Baby’s First Year. She blogs her reflections on the real and ridiculous at In the Backyard, and is a regular contributor at Grace for Moms. Laura and her husband make their home in Indiana with their 8-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son.

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The Grace in "Spirit-Led Parenting"

Before I had my daughter, I did a lot of reading in preparation, since as a first-time mom, I was a legitimate rookie. I’d only changed half a dozen diapers before then and still felt awkward holding any baby who couldn’t hold their own head up.

So, I turned to books. I learned a lot, particularly all the things you shouldn’t do. I took notes, marked pages, and felt ready to take on this motherhood thing.

Then, my baby arrived. And with it, all my good intentions. I was in survival mode and would do whatever it took to stop crying, to settle down for sleep. Which is how I found myself doing all those things I’d vowed never to do because they were the only things that worked.

I felt like what I was doing was right for us, but the problem was that having read all those books, I carried guilt around about how “wrong” I was doing things. I worried about how I was going to right those wrongs later down the road, how my daughter would recover from those mistakes, how messed up I was making her in the process.

Fortunately, it was recommended that I check out another book, but this one was almost the opposite of all the others I’d read. It talked about freedom in parenting, about looking to God (rather than man) for your parenting decisions, and, most comforting to me, about how the authors had done many of the same “wrong” things I had—and everything turned out all right.


The book is Spirit-Led Parenting by Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer. The authors found themselves in the same position I did—torn between following the parenting books and advice and having children who weren’t thriving under those rules or situations that didn’t work out like the books all said they should. Whether it was breastfeeding issues or getting their babes to sleep, their early days as mothers were not easy and ended some days in tears—just like mine.

And yet, they found peace in leaning on God and letting go of all the “shoulds” and “musts” from parenting gurus to trust Him instead. Their book is an encouragement to other mothers who find themselves in similar spots, whose foray into motherhood has been harder than they’d expected and who need more than ordinary books provide.

I read this book while I was in Ohio with Claire, when life had gotten so hard (and she was crying so much) that I needed more help than my husband (who still had to work his full-time job) could provide. What a salve to my soul these women’s words were during that time. It was such a relief to read them and to hear their stories and how hard motherhood had been for them, how they’d cried tears, too. To hear that I was not alone in struggling with this transition of mine.

Even moreso, I found such encouragement as they talked, now a few years into motherhood, about how their children had turned out completely fine and healthy and independent in spite of the “mistakes” they’d made in those early days. That grace truly does extend into every aspect of life, even (especially?) in parenting.

This week, I’m excited to share a guest post by the authors as well as round out the week with a giveaway for some copies of the book. Because Spirit-Led Parenting actually is one of the books I think new moms or moms-to-be ought to read!

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How I Got My Daughter's Cloth Diapers for Free: Swagbucks

For more than four years, I've used the search engine Swagbucks instead of Google for the main reason that you earn points when you use it. You can save up those points and then cash them in for all kinds of prizes, my favorite of which is for Amazon.com gift cards.

Recently, I shared on MoneySavingMom.com about how I'd saved up a bunch of my Amazon gift codes earned through Swagbucks to purchase my daughter's cloth-diaper stash, as modeled on my cute daughter above! I also wanted to share that testimonial here, as well. (And if you aren't familiar with Swagbucks, you can read my thorough guide to getting started and using Swagbucks here. And you can sign up for it here!)

Here's my testimonial about using Swagbucks to pay for my daughter's cloth diapers, as featured on MoneySavingMom.com:

I have been using Swagbucks for the past four years, saving up my points and always cashing them in for Amazon gift cards. This perk came in handy recently as I saved my codes for a couple of months (cashing in enough each month to get the $25 of Amazon gift cards) to purchase a cloth-diaper stash for my now-newborn daughter.

I’d always known that I wanted to cloth-diaper my children and after doing a lot of research before she was born, I found all the essentials could be found on Amazon. I picked out six diaper covers (Thirsties brand) and two dozen high-quality, unbleached prefolds.

On Amazon you can make a baby registry and once your due date draws near, they email you a code to get 10% off any remaining items on your registry. That discount alone made for a great deal but since I’d saved up my Swagbucks codes, the deal only got sweeter: I was able to get my daughter’s entire first year’s worth of cloth diapers (and some cloth-diaper friendly laundry detergent, too!) for absolutely nothing out of pocket!

It took a couple of months to save up enough of the codes to cash them all in, but it was worth the wait because now I don’t have the dreaded cost of months’ worth of disposable diapers to worry about. (Not to mention my daughter sure looks cute in them!) And all it took was simply switching my search engine!

Sign up for your own Swagbucks account to get started earning your way toward free gift cards, or read more about my experience using Swagbucks.

(By the way, you can check out everything else that was on my Amazon.com baby registry here. Sometime soon, I want to revisit that post and update about which products ended up being my favorites!)

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P.S. One More Thing, Claire…

P.S. I was just thinking about those first two letters (here and here) that I wrote to you, Claire, and I wanted to add something.

Yes, those early days were rough and tough and trying. But lest you (or anyone else) gets the idea that I blame you for them, I want to assure you that I do not.

When I was pregnant with you (even before I ever got pregnant with you, in fact), I prayed that having you would sanctify me. I prayed that raising a child would chisel out the hard parts of my heart that would otherwise remain hidden, that it would draw out the rotten parts and bring healing and holiness to the deepest recesses of my soul. I so wanted that that when I drew up my Goals for Motherhood (which you can read about here), I included:

"Let motherhood sanctify me and submit myself to its purification process."

In fact, that was the goal that was at the very tip-top of that list.

And so it must be recognized that God took me up wholly and more than I’d ever anticipated on that prayer. I truly believe that those (these?) hard days are actually from Him. Not as punishment (because I was a difficult baby, too, Claire!), but really, truly as a gift.

I can say that now that I’ve walked through them and finally found some reprieve. I can say that now that life is feeling easier, now that we’ve made it out of that stretch of days-on-end crying bouts.

But I think that’s how life is sometimes. You can’t appreciate the beauty in the hardship until you’ve walked (or trudged or limped) through it and can see the edge of the shore gleaming in the distance. The shore of Hope. Then you look back on all the adversity still fresh in your wake and, only then, can see the silver linings that glimmered and glinted all along.

And so as I look back over those times in the not-so-distant past, I can see God working in them. Teaching me to deny myself and really start to learn what self-sacrifice looks like. To deny man’s supposed knowledge and look to him for wisdom. To let loose my grip on control and better learn to roll with the punches and make the best of them. And how to accomplish an absurd amount of things while nursing.

So I have seen my heart melted—toward you, toward life, toward God. I have seen myself learn to trust God more when life gets hard, to trust that he allowed me these hard times because he knows I can handle them, that I can press and hold on and make it to that distant shore with my faith intact, refined. And he has allowed them because he knows they’re worth it.

And that is what I’m most excited about, Claire. To see where you end up. Where this journey takes you. To see you grow and flourish and become that woman that God created you to be. And that he called me to help usher into this world. I promise you I will do my best. And when that fails, God will—as he already has—fill in the gaps and carry us both through.

Love,
Mom

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