A Look Back at Claire's First Month

Claire is now three months old and feels like I’m just now getting a chance to breathe and start to process these past three months. While they’ve been really hard, I also wanted to make sure not to forget them completely, so—with the benefit of hindsight and some (much needed!) time—I wanted to preserve them in some after-the-fact monthly updates, written to my daughter, Claire.

(In case you’ve forgotten, I also wrote letters to Claire while I was pregnant, so I thought it made sense to continue that theme and have these updates written to her, as well. You can read more about the monthly letters while I was pregnant here.)

So, here’s the first, looking back at Claire’s first month:



Dear Claire,

I’m writing this letter looking back at your first month now that you’re three months and full of smiles and coos and everything adorable. I’ve needed that much time and space because, honestly, this first month of your life was rough. Probably as rough for you as it was for me, because you pretty much spent the whole time crying. And crying. Or at least, that’s how it felt to me at the time.

Fortunately, you’ve always been a really cute baby. So when you wouldn’t stop crying and I started crying too, I’d look at your dad and sob, “But she’s so stinkin’ cute!” I developed a theory during this time that the more difficult babies have to be cute to make up for the battle scars parents earn while trudging through the hard times. (Spoiler: It is nothing less than a miracle that at three months, I would not consider you a difficult baby anymore. In fact, the other day I was talking to you and found myself saying, “You are such a good baby!” It took me by surprise that I could seriously and sincerely say that. Thank the Lord for that!)

I think the reason things were so difficult from the beginning is that you are a strong baby. Strong physically but also temperamentally. There’s a wonderful feist in you that I can sense already budding. We noticed it when you were fresh out of the womb holding your head up. I never had to worry about really supporting your head because you’ve always been so strong. And then we saw it in your communication—you were not one to sit back and be silent. You let your discomfort be known and known and known.

At the time that was difficult, but I know in my heart that it will make for a wonderfully independent, strong woman some day who will be brave enough to move mountains and make waves and shake things up. I can see the seeds of those possibilities in you and I do thank God for them. I prayed so much to have a child who could change the world—and I know that potential exists in you.

I started keeping a list of some of the milestones you reached during this time and here are a few highlights:

• Your dad and I gave you your first bath when you were one day old.
• You outgrew the size “newborn” diapers on day three. You wasted no time growing up!
• On day four, you took your first walk around the neighborhood.
• Two days later, your umbilical cord fell off.
• On day seven, you tried on your first cloth diaper. (Your daddy told you looked like a sumo wrestler, but I thought it was super cute!)
• When you were 10 days old, we took you to my favorite park near our house. It’s a passive park that’s kept as natural and wild as possible. The walkways aren’t even paved. (You slept the whole time nestled up to daddy in your Ergobaby carrier.)
• When you were 19 days old, we took you to church for the first time to celebrate Palm Sunday, and then you went to your first restaurant. You did great and slept almost the entire time!
• So well, in fact, that when you were three weeks old, you and I ventured out to your first trip to the grocery store and our first trip alone together. That was another success!
• At the end of the month you made your first coo while you were playing under your activity gym and smiled for the first time at Mr. Monk who hung by the side of your changing table.

So there were lows during these early weeks, but there were also highs. More that I can see now than I could then, I think. And for that, I am utterly grateful. For you, I am truly, utterly grateful.

Love,
Mom

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