Reflections on Waiting on God for Marriage & Women Praying Boldly | GUEST POST

A GUEST POST BY LEEANN AT LEELEEWRITES.COM

Two summers ago, I poured out my heart into a little blog post about trust. Because of that post, Carmen invited me to join an online prayer group she was starting. Immediately I was drawn into the idea of Women Praying Boldly. I also thought Carmen was a dear for agreeing to host this initiative for her single sisters, even though she herself is happily married.

It was a simple concept. We would pray for each other and our futures, specifically our collective desire to find our future husbands. We would also be seeking answers for where we are supposed to be now, in the waiting time.

It was simple in theory, but so much more complex in real life. My prayer life has become richer and more deliberate as a direct result of this activity. So much has been revealed and learned in this year and half.

As soon as I joined the prayer initiative, I bluntly and boldly told God every desire of my heart and how soon I wanted to see those desires fulfilled. Yet even as I prayed those words, I wrote:

Jesus won’t fit into any box I make, including time. Knowing all this, I believe
such prayers are not out of line. If God’s answer is different from what I want, it
just means that he has something better in store. Long gone are the days when the
disappointment devastated me. I lose nothing off my worth or identity by not seeing
my desires for marriage fulfilled as soon as I would like.

When fears took over and I felt unworthy, I would confess my shortcomings:

I am lonely. I am also scared of the unknown. I have made several mistakes before
and sometimes I worry that I will make the same mistakes again in the future. It is
only a mistake the first time. The second time must surely imply some inherent flaw
in your character. Who wants to let their guard down and admit that they are an
imperfect person?

I am scared of the unknown. Once I take that giant, daunting first step, most likely
I will find that everything is perfectly fine. Sure, there is a slight chance that I fall flat on my face. There is also the chance that I finally get far more than I ever dared to dream. I am not sure which extreme is more frightening.

God did not respond by giving me what I wanted, but something better. I longed for human affection, but he showed me over and over how He thought I was worthy. I was created for a purpose and that alone made me beautiful. His answers to my prayers had become cherished treasures. Even when it seemed like He was not responding, He most certainly was.

At some point in this particular prayer journey, I started to notice a shift. I was no longer just affirming that God was good. I was no longer only asking for my prayers to be answered one way. I was praying for others as often as myself. I was thankful for this community. I started asking for my heart to be changed and for it to find roots.

Oh how much my heart has been transformed! God is gracious and patient. He has slowly introduced my heart to new and exciting possibilities. He shows me over and over how his plans for me are truly good. He reminds me that He is my anchor. He has placed me right where I belong. With that gift also came freedom.

Freedom is a wonderful and precious gift. I could do wonderful things or I could fail. Failure scares me. I have the freedom to give the fear control of my heart or to fight back with truth. Even if I fall on my face, God will still be there. He will not abandon or forget me.

With that lesson in mind, I find we have come full circle back to trust. My mended heart knows He is worthy of my trust. I am taking the scary risks involved in starting a brand new relationship that has grown out of a beautiful friendship. If there ever was a time when I needed to trust God, it is now.

(If you are interested in learning more about the Women Praying Boldly community or signing up for our monthly emails,  you can find out more here.)

Leeann, or Leelee as she prefers, spends her days with preschoolers and her nights writing stories. She enjoys seeking out beauty in the midst of chaos, peace in the midst of turmoil, and faith in spite of herself. While these passions fill her heart with joy, her first love is her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. She also likes the color pink and sparkles. You can keep in touch with her by checking out her website, leeleewrites.com (and find all her previous posts about Women Praying Boldly here), following her on Twitter (@leeleegirl4) or following her Facebook page, Facebook.com/LeeleeWrites.

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