My husband and I tried for a year before we were able to get pregnant. As the months wore on, we prayed more and more for a baby—for this baby that we now are awaiting.
While the process involved a lot of wrestling and challenges, one of the first things I realized, once the pregnancy stick showed positive, was how loved and wanted this child was, long before she was even conceived. We had spent months praying for this miracle. Folks in our church had been praying for us, week after week. This baby was bathed in prayer and longing expectation.
Now that I was with child, though, I didn’t want to stop there. I never want this baby to ever question that she was loved or wanted. So, I picked up pen and paper and started writing.
I started writing a letter to this baby of mine, at the time, only a handful of weeks old. I told her some of the story about how much and how long we had wanted her and waited for her and how thrilled we were for her to come into being:
Dear Child of Mine,
For more than a year, your father and I have been waiting for you. We just found out a few days ago that you were alive and being made inside my tummy. We were thrilled! Truly you are a gift from God and so we are so excited for the next few months while you grow and we get prepared to meet you.
As the weeks passed, I continued to write to her and told her about getting to hear her heartbeat and then eventually to feel her kicks. I told him how sweet those milestones were for me because they let me know that she was still there, that she was still alive and well:
I don’t want to lose you. I want you to stay with me, to grow in my womb and then be born so that I can watch you grow up, so that I can love you for the rest of your life. The thing is, I already love you. I don’t know you at all really, except that you’re alive and inside me, but I love you.
I also want our child to know that he is being created for a purpose and that living for that purpose is the most important thing for my husband and I as we parent her and raise her—that it might be for a glory much larger than any of our own:
I honestly believe that God has incredible things in store for you. I really think that you can grow up and change the world–not to be a hero or a famous person or even president, but so that you can change the world for the sake of God’s kingdom. That through these humble years of your youth, we can teach you about God so that when you grow up, you will accomplish much for his sake, to bring his love to people everywhere, to teach others by example, to pray boldly and to love extravagantly. I truly think that is why God is giving you life and so we will try to do our best to prepare you for that job–for that joy. There is such joy in serving the Lord, I can promise you that. And I trust that you will discover it for yourself someday, too.
I’ve been writing and telling the baby what we’ve been doing as we await her arrival, from learning sign language so that we can communicate with her to all the different animals we’ve witnessed and “introduced” him to since she’s been alive in the womb:
So far, since you’ve been in my belly, we’ve seen some deer, a rooster, some wild turkeys. I point them out to you now, but you can’t see them yet. I can’t wait until you really can and when I get to see the excitement on your face as you meet all these little creatures God has made! I look forward to all the adventures we’re going to have together!
It’s been so sweet to write to this baby of ours and talk to her, to begin sharing our hopes and dreams for her life even now, before we know a single thing about her, except that she’s alive inside of me. We know nothing else about her, and yet we love her deeply. We pray for her daily. We hope for her earnestly. We wait for her expectantly!
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I've been doing the same! I share my letters on my blog at http://www.jordylizblogs.com
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are feeling better and all is well. :)
Awesome opportunity to invest in her life already. Glad all is going well! :)
ReplyDeleteCarmen,
ReplyDeleteThis child is so blessed to have you for a mother. As I'm reading your posts (this one especially) I'm being blessed by a parent's love for a child, like how God loved us before we even existed more than you love her! It's so beautiful - that kind of love.
I wish I had known how my mother felt about me in those months before I arrived. She will be able to read those letters later in her life and be blessed to know that she is so loved. :)
It is amazing how similar our journies have been. My husband and I also tried for a year and a half before God chose to bless us with a baby. I am due the beginning of March and have been writing letters to out little girl as well telling her how loved and wanted she is. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely. My husband and I have been trying for a while since miscarrying in September 2011, and when we are blessed with a pregnancy, I plan on doing something similar. :)
ReplyDelete