Kate's Testimony: "Woman, you are forgiven."

  

This is the first guest post in a series I hope to continue where readers share their own testimonies of how God has worked in their lives. Many thanks to Kate from The Ingredient Detective for sharing her touching story!

I was brought up by faithful parents. I was taught to show reverence to God, to fear Him, and honour Him. 

When I was 16 I left my country home, and went to the city. Drunk on freedom and surrounded by new friends, I began to slip away from my parent’s world. I continued to go to church for a couple more years, but my heart was far, far from God.

During my late teens and early twenties, a series of dark and bitter experiences made me question everything I believed in. I found and lost love, ran away, had my heart broken, battled with depression, betrayal by a "friend", and at the tender age of 20, I buried my precious baby son.

In my grief, and utter despair, I wondered if God had ever existed? If He did, did He even care? I pictured Him, throwing His hands up in disgust, and leaving all of us sinful souls to our own devices. I gave up on God.

But He did not give up on me...

For a year after my baby, Isaac died, I struggled with my sorrow, my anger, and the never-ending questions, about why this had happened. (When I realised I was pregnant, I had promised to God that I would get my life together, and be a good mother, if He would only keep this child safe. But my baby was taken away from me anyway, so what was the use in trying to be good, I wondered? ) After a year of struggling through this, during (yet another!) dark and bitter experience, I suddenly understood that God had taken him away BECAUSE HE LOVED ME. And BECAUSE HE LOVED MY SON.

God took him away because He knew what my future held, knew what I was going to have to face.

And because He had a different plan for me.

When I saw all this clearly, despite my personal life being in utter chaos and confusion at the time, I knew that God surely did exist, and that He LOVED me, despite all of my mistakes, and all of my disbelieving.

And this was the very first step, in a long, long journey, back to God.

After a while, life seemed to settle down a bit. I was with a nice guy, I was working two jobs, and saving up for a deposit on a home. My boyfriend (now husband), was from Tonga, and he took me home to Tonga to visit his family for a couple of weeks.

I had never been outside Australia before, and I was not prepared for the poverty and the generosity of spirit that I found in Tonga.
 

I took a lot of presents and with me, thinking what a kind, generous person I was.

While we were there, we went to visit hubby’s uncle and his family. This family was dirt-poor. They lived in a tiny tin shack with no electricity, and no running water. The two youngest boys, were wearing their older sister's clothes, and they were torn and tattered.

They were cooking a dog over the hangi. I think the uncle's wife could tell I was feeling squeamish about eating dog, and before I had a chance to argue, she came out from the little shack with some coins, and sent one of the kids running to the corner shop to buy a tin of corned beef for me to eat.

I felt so ashamed and small, and I cried all the way home, thinking about that mother, who could have easily justified keeping the money to feed her own hungry children.

Tonga changed me. I’ve never been able to see the world the same, since. I came home, knowing that I was, indeed, blessed. Battle-scarred and world-weary, but still.....so very blessed.

We came back home to Australia, and decided to make a fresh start. We moved to a new town, where I knew no-one and had no job to go to, but it felt right. And it was right. Everything fell into place. We both got jobs. We bought a home, and we both went back to church. And then discovered that we had a baby on the way.

I often felt lonely during my pregnancy, with no family or friends nearby, and while sitting through church, Sunday after Sunday, I began to feel a yearning to have God in my life.

I had never felt this way before. In my youth, I considered myself a Christian, because it was the right thing to do, and I was scared that if I died, I would end up in hell. But now, I longed to feel God near me, and to know that He was with me, and with this precious life growing inside me.

I wondered how I could have Him in my life, after pushing Him away and ignoring Him for so long. I thought that maybe I could reach Him if I prayed, but it had been so long since I prayed, I didn't even know how to.

One night I was laying in my bed, and in desperation, I decided to try and reach out to God. I told Him all the things I was thankful for, every little thing I could think of, even the dark and dreadful experiences I had been through, because even though they broke my heart, they helped to mold me into the person I am now.

I did this every night, and after four or five nights, I started to feel something change. My heart, that was hard and bitter, started to become thankful and loving. I started to feel the presence of God come close to me. I cannot explain this, except to say, I just knew.

I had spent years wrestling with God, over who should control my life. I wanted to run my own life!!! And it had only brought me misery and pain.

In the end, I handed the reigns over to Him, gladly. I gave my life to God, but in the back of my mind, I was plagued with doubts, over whether I was really forgiven. Could he REALLY forgive a person like me?

I had made so many foolish mistakes, even though I had been brought up to know better. And not only that, but I had made the same mistakes over and over, and hurt people along the way.

One day, I was at home watching tv, and I just happened to flick over to the Australian Christian Channel. I started to listen to the preacher, and just before he finished, he said, "Somewhere out there, is a woman who's made some bad decisions, and she's wondering if she can be forgiven...Woman, you are forgiven."

I fell down on the floor, sobbing, because I knew it was for me.

It sounds crazy, but even before the man said it, I knew that he was about to say something for me. I just knew that God was about to tell me something.

That day, the weight of my past was lifted off me. I wanted to dance for joy, and sing it from the rooftops.

That God—awesome, almighty, all-knowing God—had forgiven me....

Yes, even me.

This guest post is from Kate of The Ingredient Detective. She says, "I'm a married mum of two small boys, living in Australia. Earlier this year, I began to feel that God had a calling on my life to raise awareness of health issues and fight for change, and after some reluctance on my part (because the task just seemed so enormous and overwhelming), I accepted the call and have since dedicated myself to teaching others about what is being put into our food and water supplies, beauty products, etc, and campaigning for change. I've been busy setting up a website (www.the-ingredient-detective.com), and studying to become a kinesiologist."

P.S. If you're interested in submitting a guest post testimony to be featured on Life Blessons, please visit the original post for details!