Your Questions Answered: How I Knew My Husband Was "The One"

QUESTION: Well, I do have a question and I hope it's not too personal. What confirmation did you receive that your husband was the one God had for you?

one of our engagement photos by fyrefly photography
I don’t think this is too personal at all, and in fact I think this is one of my favorite questions I’ve received yet! Probably mostly because I love sharing how God has directed decisions and circumstances in my life, as well as a good chance to brag on my husband, but also because I appreciate the chance to dispel any—for lack of a better word—misconceptions that I think can sometimes crop up when we start talking about finding “the one.”

When I was single, I really hoped that God would make it especially clear to me who I should marry. I had heard of people who had dreams that directed them to date a certain person to marry. I don’t doubt that God does work in those miraculous sorts of ways, but that was not the case for me. Instead, it was a pretty ordinary chain of events where I got to see more and more of my husband’s heart and trust that it was rooted in the Lord. And through those glimpses, I knew that I could trust him with my own heart.

If you’ve read the back story on what was going on in my life around the time that I first met my now-husband (here ya go, if you need to catch up), you know that at this time, I had just finished reading a very insightful and encouraging book from a biblical perspective called Get Married by Candice Watters and was passionately praying that the Lord would prepare me for my husband and would bring us together.

I’ll start off by saying that I think this aspect—prayer and preparing of the heart—is probably one of the first elements of recognizing that my husband was right for me. During the season of singleness leading up to meeting him, I was especially learning about the role of a Christian wife and actively trying to live out the virtues set forth in by the wife in Proverbs 31. It’s what Watters calls “live like you’re going to be married,” despite what circumstances (ie, singleness) might otherwise suggest. This active pursuit really went a long way in helping me see what mattered in a man—not his looks, job, salary, or (ahem) age. (Didjaknow? My husband is four years younger than me!) I realized that what really mattered was his heart for the Lord, and from that single facet, all else would fall into place.

I know people who make all sorts of list and qualifications to choose a husband. But I think there only has to be one: That he loves the Lord more than I do. When my husband and I were dating, that was the quality that stuck out to me so much. I couldn’t believe how much he read his Bible and how well he knew it. He loved the Word! Talking about God was one of the main topics of conversation from when we first started dating and it was that thread that drew us together.

Later as we dated, we had to learn how to deal with conflict. I remember one argument that we had very vividly. I was exasperated because I couldn’t get him to change his mind on a subject that I felt very strongly about. Then I realized that it’s not my job to make him change his mind, the only one who can do that is the Holy Spirit. So I stopped trying and instead started praying and decided to trust the Holy Spirit to speak to him. About an hour later, I got a phone call from him, with a softer heart, and we were able to smooth out the conversation. That interchange was a breakthrough in our relationship because it proved one thing: I could trust him to listen to the Holy Spirit. I knew that if he was obedient to God above all else, then I had nothing else to worry about. I could trust my heart to one who listened to and heeded the Lord!

I should also add that I don't necessarily believe there is only "one" person out there for anyone (though some are definitely better than others!). That being said, I can't imagine anyone better suited for me than my husband. Every day I am in more and more awe over this fact when I think about how kind and gentle and comforting my husband is with me. He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

What Other Questions Do You Have For Me?
Recently, I invited you to ask me any questions you might have that I could answer in upcoming posts, whether it's follow-up regarding anything I've written about in the past, curiosities regarding any of my personal experiences, or your general blogging questions.

In the following weeks I will continue to respond to your questions, so please feel free to ask any that come to mind in the comments below or send me an email. I have some questions in the queue regarding my thoughts on faith, cooking advice, and how my baking soda shampoo is doing, so those and more to come!

(If you missed last week's Q&A, it was in regards to my decorating plans for the holidays.)   


  1. You said it perfectly. I love hearing your story and how it all came to be. My parents really taught me how to get to know the heart instead of the external just as you talked about. Such a rich concept. Easier said than done too

  2. This is a great post, Carmen! :) Thanks for sharing. At this stage in my life, I'm trying to focus on living like I'm going to be married. If there are any books or passages of scripture you recommend that truly spoke to you during your season of waiting, definitely let me know. :) (I've read Get Married, and I, too, loved it!) I'm finding that one of the trickiest aspects of this season is holding onto to hope. So many days, it feels like I won't meet someone. I remind myself often of Psalm 27, though. Specifically: "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Regardless of if or when I meet someone and get married, I know the Lord will continue to take care of me, provide for me, and bless me in all seasons. If there's anyone else out there in a similar season of waiting, I hope that scripture is an encouragement to them, too.

  3. Very insightful! I love when you said that you prayed for your husband to love the Lord more than you do. Powerful. My favorite part has the to be the last line.

    "He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me."

    Wow. Thank you so much for answering my question! I'm definitely going to check out Get Married. It looks really interesting. I can't wait to read it.

    You are such an encouragement to me. I pray that you will continue to be used through your blog to inspire others. Stay blessed =)

  4. This is an very encouragement testimony from your marriage life how God sent someone to your life. I am impressed by your statement "He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me."

    If I got to know someone from an online and yet we have not met. How do I know he is the right guy for me and how shall I know this is God sent for me?

  5. I'm so glad you've found my story encouraging, Magdelene!

    If we want to know the Lord's will for us and know when he's leading and guiding us, we have to first know Him. That sounds so simple, but if we must be spending time with Him, praying, learning His Word, getting to know what He wants for us in a spouse, etc., if we want to know what He wants for us and when He's speaking to us.

    I would encourage you to start there, feeding your relationship with the Lord and trust then that he will guide you in your other relationships.


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