Living through the Question Marks & A Prayer Request

It's been about nine months that Michael and I have been living in Atlanta. Great things can unfold in nine short months: a new life can be formed. Even in our relationship, it was after dating for only nine months that Michael and I got engaged. Now, another set of nine months marks our time here in Atlanta finding our place and establishing our roots as a newlywed couple.

When I think back to the decision-making that led us to move down here, I become aware of how sure I was that everything was going to work out. Not surprisingly, it didn't work out in the ways I'd anticipated: Never would I have believed that I wouldn't be able to find a job in 10 months. I thought, sure, it might take a month or two, but no longer than that. Yet, at the same time, never would I have thought that I wouldn't have to look for a job for that long, either. I guess it's been about a month since I found out that my freelance gig has been prolonged through the summer. I never could have predicted that the Lord would provide for me as richly, as extravagantly and impossibly as he has.

During this process I've vacillated between the comfort and awe of it all and the fear of the "what's next." Some seasons seem to be marked by a frantic feeling of looking this way and that, pulling ahead like a dog on a leash trying to reach the next marker quicker. Too often, I've let that keep me from enjoying this journey, enjoying the moments that come with it. In hindsight it's obvious that the franticness and the lurching was for nothing--God already had it all figured out for me, as he always does.

Michael just finished up his last finals and will be officially graduating on Saturday with his history degree. In his search for a history teaching job, nothing has turned up, so he's started looking into other alternatives--perhaps working at a local college, perhaps going on to grad school, perhaps trying to work for a nonprofit, perhaps trying to work for a music venue.

The question marks loom, and yet I'm learning to relax into this rhythm.

We were at a cook-out this weekend with some couples from our church. Each seemed to be at a similar place, unsure of where they'd be next, thinking about their next jobs, contemplating whether they'd be moving somewhere soon. And the thought that's been swirling and swelling lately is that God only knows where we'll all be in one year, in five years. God only knows. And that's a beautiful reassurance. I don't know, but I don't have to. I can trust that just as he's all brought us together for this moment, he might scatter us, but he'll still be guiding each one of us.

Feel free to be praying for us in this journey, and especially for Michael as he continues his job search. I really want him to be able to find a job that is meaningful and that he feels passionately about. Even in spite of the current economy, I know that any door that Christ opens, no one can shut, so I know this is possible. We just have no idea what this might look like! I am praying that in spite of our ignorance, God will lead us there. (What mercy!)

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