Yesterday, I shared some of the specific resources that I found helpful during my time of waiting. Today, I decided to take a look back into my old journals and share, in my own words, what really was encouraging me during this period of waiting. What was strengthening my heart and my hope in the Lord’s timing?
QUESTION: If there are any books or passages of scripture you recommend that truly spoke to you during your season of waiting [to meet your husband], definitely let me know.
While flipping through my journal entries, I came across this prayer that I'd written during the early months of 2008:
I’m feeling emboldened in my quest for the ultimate human love (toward a husband)–not that there are any nearby or possible prospects, but that I believe that marriage is something You want for me and that is in my cards.This idea crept up again and again in my entries: to see my time as a single woman as an opportunity for investment rather than a chain around my neck. I began to realize that God had given me this time alone for a reason. Perhaps it’s because I’m not yet ready to meet the godly man he has in mind? Perhaps he would like me to work on some things now that will only benefit our relationship later? Later, I copied a quote from an online article I read that spoke to this, saying: “But if I am not happy now, if I am not content in my present situation, will a new career or a relationship really change anything for me at a heart level?”
So right now I’m preparing.
I’m learning more and more what to look for in a husband, and praying for it. I’m trying to learn to treat others in a way that will allow me to be a better wife/mother (nonjudgmental, more encouraging, listening, prodding more questions to spur contemplation, generosity with time, etc). I’m trying to practice my nurturing spirit now, as I volunteer with the youth group and learn to guide the young women without demands or directives, but through suggestion and spiritual challenges.
And I believe that You will act and that You will bless and that You will guide. And that’s what satisfies me right now, that’s what keeps me joyful and looking up and forward.
I also was encouraged during this time by the expectation that God will come through on his promises. That I can give him what I have in my hands and he will multiply and bless it. This is incredibly evident in the story of Abraham and Isaac when Abraham trusts that God will provide an alternate sacrifice, even though he's already been commanded to sacrifice Isaac. God will provide, and we must learn to trust him, even when the odds look impossible! That is when he gets the greatest glory, because only he can overcome the impossible! So perhaps when things look impossible, we must stop thinking that they really are that way but learn to trust that this is an opportunity for us to watch the Lord work his wonders.
Later in my journal, from April 24, 2008, I found this prophetic nugget: “also, as far as my future goes, i really do feel like God has it under control and feel comfortable that i’ll be at that “married” point in 2 years, that perhaps this summer he will bring that certain someone into my life and set us up for a future. i see this happening as i prepare to move–that maybe if i end up in grand rapids, that’s where that will fall into place and stand as a moment that validates those decisions. something (whether it’s peace from God or my own brand of wishful thinking) tells me that that’s on the horizon and that I don’t need to fret. i like that kind of comfort and trust. i still fidget in my seat waiting for it to come to pass, but i feel it approaching. i just hope that when it does, that i can weather and balance it well.”
Discovering these words just blew my mind because this was exactly how my marriage transpired: Later that summer I did meet my husband (not until the end of June, though) and we started dating just as I was moving off to Grand Rapids. The following summer (less than two years later), we were married. This is proof that the Lord does speak! The Lord is good and does not lead us astray! Listen to what he is whispering to your heart!
What Other Questions Do You Have For Me?
Recently, I invited you to ask me any questions you might have that I could answer in upcoming posts, whether it's follow-up regarding anything I've written about in the past, curiosities regarding any of my personal experiences, or your general blogging questions. In the following weeks I will continue to respond to your questions, so please feel free to ask any that come to mind in the comments below or send me an email.