Secrets of a Newlywed: Let Your Husband Lead

This is the next post in Secrets of a Newlywed, a series where I open up and share some of the lessons, insights and understandings—the little secrets—that have made my marriage the wedded bliss that it is. (To read through all the posts in this series, click here.) Like anything else, they are easier said than done. But I know from personal experience that when I do manage to live them out, I've seen what beautiful fruit they bear in my relationship with my husband. So, today, I share another with you: Let Your Husband Lead. 

Admittedly, I’m not the most decisive of women. There are many times, like when I was buying our washing machine, and I wished that my husband would just pick which one we should buy instead of letting me make the call.

You see, I’m happy to let him make the decision—as long as it’s one I’m happy with.

I believe that the role of a husband is to be a leader for his family, to be their shepherd guarding them in safety and guiding them to the best pasture. I believe this is the role that God has called husbands to and, in doing so, He will equip them to make the decisions necessary.

However, that all comes into question when my husband has the choice to say 'No,’ when I am looking for 'Yes.’ It’s in those times that I want to grab the shepherd’s hook from his hands and tell him, 'Here, we’re going this way.’ Essentially, I can be afraid of what his decision might be.

It’s been a journey for me to learn to let go of the decision-making ropes and watch my husband flourish as he takes up the reins. It’s been a journey for me to take this step of faith—to trust our lives in his hands—and watch how beautifully they’ve all worked out.

When we were first married, I was keenly aware of this need to allow my husband to make decisions for us. I had to make the choice to step back and let him do this for us. One of the first decisions I handed over to him was that of our finances. It was not because I do not like numbers; in fact, the opposite is true. I have tracked my spending for years, always searched out the best interest rates, and got straight A’s in calculus and economics.

But I knew that for my husband to grow into his own as a leader for our family, I needed to start learning how to step out of the way. At first this was difficult, especially when I saw how much we were spending on eating out and other miscellaneous purchases. I wanted to put my foot down and say, 'No, we are not spending money on that.’

Instead, I swallowed the words and waited. We kept a budget and soon, by his lead, we were reigning in our spending. Soon, we paid off all our debt. Then, we rejoiced when we saw that our eating out budget had hit $0 for the month.

I trusted him with those financial decisions and then watched as they blossomed—and continue to do so—under his care.

When we were deciding on a church to attend, I made the intentional choice to let him make the final call. We talked about our opinions, I told him which ones I definitely did not want to attend and then let him make the final decision between the two that remained.

Truth be told, I had a favorite. But I did not tell him because I did not want to bias his decision-making. Because this was a big decision for us spiritually, and because I believe that his role is to be our spiritual leader, I deferred to him. And then he picked the other church. For a time, I was really disappointed, but today I know that he did in fact make the right decision for us as we’ve really developed a family at our church and been able to dig deep roots there.

Each time that I’ve consciously stepped back and let my husband make a decision for us, my trust for him has grown tremendously. I’ve seen how submission can be beautiful and how the Lord has blessed his decision-making skills. I’ve seen firsthand how he really does take my needs, feelings and future into account—his love manifested in his leadership.

Related Posts
Notes from Love and Respect: Insights for Wives
The Truth About Conflict in Relationships

{ photo source }