Overcoming the Fear of Miscarriage: Learning to Trust God with My Own Emotions



Remember that fear I mentioned awhile ago? That fear about miscarriage and the fact that it's still technically a possibility. A possibility that looms before me like a thorny branch in a meadow wild with gorgeous flowers.

Well, I long ago learned that that's the thing with fears: They thrive in ignorance. Soon what was once a verdant landscape can become overrun by the weeds if we let them. That's what fear can do to us, too.

Instead, to really deal with the fears, I must pick up my spade, dig them up and then, show them off for what they really are. Because usually they end up being something without substance, without real roots or depth but those thorns can grow and grow and tangle up everything around them if we let them.

So, I took that fear of mine and I laid it bare before a group of ladies in my community. The dirt and grime still fresh on my hands, I told them that there's a part of me that is afraid of losing the baby.

The thing is, it's not that I don't trust God to give life or to take it away. Perhaps that's how it may appear from the outside, but that isn't it. I learned long ago that I trust God to be in control of my life much more than I trust myself, so if he deems it this way or that, I truly know it is always decided from a place of love for me and whatever God has in store for next. Honestly, I do not doubt that truth.

As I laid this fear bare, though, I saw it for what it really was: It stems not from being able to trust God in that situation but from not being able to trust myself, namely my own emotions. If it were to happen, would I descend into depression and crumble in the face of that sadness? Would I be overcome by those feelings of loss and self-pity? Do I have the strength to keep on loving and leaning and looking forward rather than backward? How would I respond when people ask how the baby is doing, after the fact? Frankly, my own emotions scare me and I have no idea how I'd respond to that kind of loss.

That distinction—about what lay at the root of my fear—was an epiphany, and through it, I felt God telling me that I need to learn to trust even my own emotions over to him. It wasn't a truth I'd really grappled with before. Sure, I know I have to trust my future and my loved ones and my health and my career over to Him and His goodness, but even my own emotions? Yes.

If the unthinkable does happen, I have to be able to trust Him to guide my emotions even as he guides my feet and my fate. I have to trust that He'll step in and shepherd my own heart, because I don't think that's something I can handle on my own at all.

But the beautiful thing that he revealed to me is that I don't have to. I can trust Him with it all, even my own emotions. What peace prevailed from that realization. No matter what happens, he can be trusted. With it all.

Don't worry about anything instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7

Related Posts
Decision Making: Out of Faith or Fear?
Jo-Ann's Testimony: Finding Healing from Fears

5 comments:

  1. I'm TTC and ... haven't made headway yet. I pray to be blessed with the opportunity to feel the emotions you must be feelign now. Hopefully this is the month.

    A friend of mine is in the same boat as you... very fearful at 10 weeks. I'm so glad that you found peace in God. She isn't a religious person, and I think she gains no comfort partially because of that. I'll pray for you both that not just do you have wonderful, successful & healthy pregnancies... but that you both will also be blessed with the most amazing facets of life that motherhood will offer you both.

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  2. I believe this is what holds alot of us back from fulfilling God's purpose for our lives also, fear esecially fear of our very own emotions. I totally understand all the fear you had, I am not a mother yet but I can imagine how one would fear all those things. I am so glad you are learning to give this area to God. I am an emotional person also and this has ecouraged me to hand all my worries and emotions over to God. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. This blessed me this morning. I love those verses, they remind me to never be afraid because what is fear except worry?

    I'm praying that you and baby are healthy and that things go off without a hitch. Of course, there is always a possibility and I can't imagine what losing a child (even an unborn one) is like. BUT God is in control and whatever happens is for your own good.

    My husband always says, "Hope for the best. Be prepared for the worst. Expect nothing." This of course with the knowledge of Romans 8:28 and Philippians 4 generally how I have learned cope with things.

    Thank you for sharing with us :)

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  4. I clicked over to your blog today for the first time, and this post caught my eye. I miscarried back in 2009 and it was very hard, but soon after I got pregnant with my son, and now I have an adorable two year old little boy. Not much time goes by when I think about that baby that was lost though. It was early in the pregnancy so I don't know if it was a girl or boy, but as we talk about if want more that fear of a chance of miscarriage again is still with me. I don't want to go through it again, but trust is something God is working on in me and I know he has the answers. When I lost the first baby, the verse that came to me was from Job - The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away blessed be the name of the Lord. It's God's baby and He chose to take it home with Him. I had to learn to accept God's plan and because of that I have my little boy Adam now.

    Good luck with your pregnancy and God bless! :)

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  5. What if one of those emotions includes being angry with God? I just miscarried for the second time a few weeks ago and this one emotion just refuses to leave. Maybe it's too soon and I'm not being patient enough. It's hard to find comfort in Him when I'm just plain ticked. :/

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