Redeeming Motherhood is a series of posts where women open up about some of the struggles they've faced as mothers and how the Lord has redeemed those situations and brought beauty from them. Check out all the posts in the Redeeming Motherhood series here. (And if you want to share your own story of hope and healing, please check out the bottom of the post for instructions!)
Many thanks to Tamara of Southern Grade for today's Q&A. She had her son, Wells, a couple of months after I had Claire. I thought I had a long labor at 37 hours, but I literally gasped out loud when I read in her birth story that her labor was 68 hours long. Oh my. Here she is to share more about that rough introduction to motherhood and how God is redeeming it...
My husband and I became parents after 68 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing, and the hardest decision that started our journey as parents. We prepared for months for bringing our son into the world naturally. And after 71 hours, we decided it was time for a C-section. This was scary and beyond difficult for the both of us.
I couldn't wrap my brain around why God would lead us throughout the whole process and not be able to delivery vaginally. (You can read my birth story on my blog here.)
'Healthy momma and healthy baby' is what most people say, but to me it wasn't enough. To be honest, I was embarrassed I had to transfer from the birth center to the hospital to begin with. I lost control of all my emotions when I was being wheeled into the OR and even doubted God.
Days later I was still broken. My recovery went well physically but not emotionally.
What were some of the emotions you were feeling during this time?
I felt like I had failed natural birth. I wanted it and believed in it so much. My pride was ripping me apart. I was embarrassed to share my story before the Lord met me.
How did the Lord speak to you during this time? How did he bring redemption or healing to you?
The Lord really showed me that He was with us the whole labor and delivery. He lead us graciously through every decision. Once I acknowledged this, it made the world of difference. I was thankful for my long labor. The Lord met me and Ted not only in labor but the early weeks of parenthood. He met me. He showed me my sinful heart. Being the natural momma advocate, I had judged others for getting various interventions during labor. I was naive and judgmental. I repented. I saw a grace come over me that was so refreshing.
Is there a Bible verse that you think speaks poignantly to this experience? It can be one you clung to during that time or that, looking back, seems particularly fitting.
I held Psalm 42 close to my heart during the early weeks of parenthood especially as my questions lingered and I cried out to God. God is faithful and met me.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?' These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." - Psalm 42:1-5
ABOUT THE WRITER: Tamara started blogging at Southern Grade a few years go after marrying her best friend in New Orleans, Louisiana. Southern Grade is where she tucks away stories about being a wife, new mom, and the little things that make life so rich. Follow along at southerngrade.blogspot.com or on instagram: @tohman.
If you are interested in contributing to the Redeeming Motherhood series, contact me with your responses to the questions in this post. Include a short bio and a photograph, if you like. It's not necessary to have your own blog, just a heart and a story to share!