This is the next post in Secrets of a Newlywed, a series where I and a handful of other bloggers open up and share some of the lessons, insights and understandings—the little secrets—that have strengthened our marriages. (To read through all the posts in this series, click here.)
Today, I am happy to share this guest post from Amanda: Learning What My Husband Really Wants.
Before I was married, it was never my ambition to be an amazing housewife, but becoming a wife changed me more than I expected. I found myself wanting to be the perfect wife and do all the perfect things for my husband.
A 1955 article in Good Housekeeping that has made the rounds on the web instructs wives to "plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, and on time, for his return." This advice may sound laughable to wives today; such expectations are long gone in today’s world. But a friend of mine mentioned how nice it is that his wife has dinner ready when he comes home.
If I loved my husband, I thought, why wouldn't I want to greet him with a home-cooked meal like all these other wives? Early in our marriage, I made this my mission.
The only problem with this idea was that I work full time and often arrive home after my husband. But determined to at least have dinner ready as soon as possible, I would start cooking. If I got home first, my husband would walk in the door to a wife with her back to him as she worked away cutting up potatoes. As he tried to put his arms around me, I would often get annoyed with him. Couldn't he see that I was working hard to make his dinner? I didn't have time for that!
Eventually, I realized that my husband didn't want to come home to a meal; he wanted to come home to a wife! After a long day at work, he just wants to see me. He wants to be able to hug me and talk to me. He can wait for food. In fact, on days when I'm not feeling well, he'll immediately tell me not to worry about dinner. It's not a big deal to him. He didn't marry me because he needed a cook.
While my intentions were good, I failed to examine what my husband truly needed. It's not about what my friends or family or other bloggers or anyone else thinks a wife's role should be but rather what my husband needs from me. Now when I come home from work, it's all about my husband. If he wants to cuddle on the couch or go on a walk with me, then that’s great.
Thinking of my husband has not only made him happier but also made me feel happier and much less stressed. Our evenings are much better when we spend that time relaxing together, even if only for a few minutes. After being away from each other all day, we need that time to reconnect! Dinner can wait.
Amanda has been married to her husband Nathan since June 2010. She blogs her journey through the ups and downs of life and marriage at Newlywed Trek.
If you are interested in sharing a lesson from your own marriage, please get in touch for details about guest-posting in this series!
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This is one of the things I was surprised by as well. I couldn't figure out why my labor intensive meals weren't making him happy. Now I know that me + frozen pizza is always better than something fancy without me.
ReplyDeleteGreat insight! :)
ReplyDeletemrsdexter - Yep, my husband gets excited about grilled cheese sandwiches.
ReplyDeleteKristin - Thanks!
this is perfect for what i've been learning in my life right now. i'm reading a book called "understanding and respecting your husband" and it talks a lot about men saying they feel respected, loved and honored when their wives keep the house clean and something ( not a four corse meal ) is on the table when he gets home. They really don't ask for much and I want to make a point once we get married to keep the house in order and try and calm things down so my husband can come home to an easy going,clean and yummy house after a long day of work!@
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your point of view! it's not about being a perfect 50's housewife...but we as christian women should try and strive for that old fashioned way of honoring and respecting our husbands as the head of the household. :)
Aw, I'm so glad to hear that Danica! I definitely think that it's vitally important that we respect our husbands, and for each man, that might look different. It's just a matter of listening to him and his needs and to the Holy Spirit who guides us into all truth. Hope the wedding planning is going well :)
ReplyDeleteI remember, early in our marriage, my husband needed some new winter shoes. I kept pushing him to get "one of each color" when he found a pair he liked. He got really frustrated, and I realized that I was trying to love HIM the way I want to be loved. Let's face it. If you "love" me, you encourage me to get the brown pair....and the black pair....haha. This was not LOVE to Tim...this was me pushing him to make a purchase he didn't want/need. Great insights in this post! Always good to have that kind of reminder! Amanda- I'm headed to your blog next!
ReplyDeleteThank you! <3
ReplyDelete