Secrets of a Newlywed: What Can You Do for Him?

This is the next post in Secrets of a Newlywed, a series where I open up and share some of the lessons, insights and understandings—the little secrets—that have made my marriage the wedded bliss that it is. Like anything else, they are easier said than done. But I know from personal experience that when I do manage to live them out, I've seen what beautiful fruit they bear in my relationship with my husband. So, today, I share another with you: What Can You Do For Him? (To read through all the posts in this series, click here.)

As God’s followers, we are called to be servants. Through the prophet Isaiah, God says, “Pay attention, O Israel, for you are my servant.” In the New Testament, Jesus washes his disciples feet, commanding us to serve one another and that the last shall be first.

Whether married or not, we should be looking for ways to serve others and making efforts to do so. But within marriage, those opportunities especially abound, and we should make it a habit to look for ways to help our husbands.

For instance, when my husband had some paperwork to fill out for his new job, he asked me to call the human resources department and find out what he needed to send them. The woman told me that he needed to write her a letter stating such-and-such and to fax it to her. I made a note of everything he needed to include, but then I figured, why not go ahead and type up the letter for him?

It was pretty straight forward and I had all the information, so I went ahead and wrote it. Then, when he got home, all he had to do was sign it. It only saved him about five minutes, but it’s about more than just saving him time or effort.

Cultivating this practice not only communicates—in real, tangible ways—to our husbands how much they mean to us but also fosters within us more gracious, selfless hearts. I don’t know about you, but I can use all the help I can get in that area!

Even if they are the smallest details that I take upon myself and even if my husband doesn’t even notice that I’m doing them for him, it still is a way for me practice learning to think of others before myself and learning to turn words into actions, let love speak loudly, live out my faith in the routine of day-to-day life.

It starts with asking myself, “What can I do for him?”

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  1. Great stuff chica!!! Thank you for the reminder...comes at the right time:) My hubby and I are going on 2 years in about a week...still newlyweds AND still learning so much!!

  2. Ben & I try to find ways to serve each other even now, before we're married. It's a big deal to us & makes our relationship that much stronger. I am so excited to be able to serve him more & all the time when we're married! :)

    Great post, Carmen :) I'm really enjoying this whole series!

    Have a blessed day!

  3. the part here that really stood out to me was when you talked about doing things even though he doesn't know you're doing them. i think, as wives, we want so much to be appreciated and noticed (at least i know that's definitely a desire of mine!) that i often struggle with being able to just do things without wanting some sort of recognition.

    i think that might be a good challenge for myself this week - to just do things for my husband whether he knows i am or not, and not expect any sort of gratitude or recognition in return.

    this was a good one! :)

  4. @ Charissa - Ah, congrats on the upcoming anniversary! I love passing those kinds of milestones :)

    @ Sneakers of Faith - Love that you're incorporating these things even now, while you make your way to marriage. That will lay a great foundation!

    @ Steph - Oh, I think that's a great idea to turn this into a "challenge." Part of the motivation for me to do it without being noticed is that then I HAVE to be doing it for the Lord, rather than for my husband. That little change in perspective or intention makes a huge difference because we know that even if our husbands don't notice, our heavenly Father always does!

  5. You are definitely SO right! When I got married we were in a room that had two mirrors on opposite walls, so when you stand and look into your reflection in one mirror you can see your reflection forever in the one behind you. The person who married us pointed out that you can only see your own face once, but your spouse's face eternally in the reflection. He said that is symbolic of how many times you serve yourself versus your spouse in your marriage. That is something I always picture on days I am feeling particularly selfish!

    Thanks for the reminder!

  6. Oh, I like that illustration a lot, Hannah! Smart people that do the marrying, huh?! :) Thanks for sharing that. I will keep that visual in my pocket because I know I certainly need to be reminded of that constantly!

  7. I'm so glad! Just picture yourself and your smiling husband next to you...then when you're feeling extra, extra grouchy it's hard to be mad at the smiling day-of-your-wedding husband, haha!


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