Secrets of a Newlywed: Letting Your Husband Provide for You
This is the next post in Secrets of a Newlywed, a series where I and a handful of other bloggers open up and share some of the lessons, insights and understandings—the little secrets—that have strengthened our marriages. (To read through all the posts in this series, click here.)
Today, I am happy to share a guest post with you from Kristen: Letting Your Husband Provide For You.
I have always been an independent person—a mild feminist, I suppose. When I know what I want, I work hard to achieve my goal. I’m the oldest child from a divorced home, so I guess I always felt like I had to take care of myself.
My husband and I got married when we were still in college, so we both had to work, waiting tables. We always felt like we were in this together: A welcome balance and equality—something that I think was crucial in our early years.
We’ve just passed our sixth wedding anniversary. We’re done with school (I finished grad school a year ago), and we’ve started (or will soon be starting) our careers. And, we’ve finally gotten to the point where we want kids in a few years.
Our marriage has changed a lot in six years—and we have changed a lot ourselves. Lately, God has been teaching me a lot about being a wife. What it means. Who I want to be. What my husband wants.
We recently moved from Philadelphia back home to Louisiana. It was all very sudden—we felt God leading us back home, so we obeyed and went. We lived with my mom for a little while just to save up some money and find jobs.
My husband wanted me to take a month off before getting a job. Of course, I was delighted to take a break! However, I found that after a week, I felt the urge to work again. I’ve had a job since 11th grade, even while in school. We’re trying to get debt free, so I felt like I should be contributing to our finances. But, no, my husband said I’ve always worked and needed some time to relax, refresh, and recenter. (What a keeper!) And, what’s a sure fire way to figure out what God wants you to do? Be still and listen.
I found that after I let go of the need to be in control—be independent—be the one to make sure everything is always fine—God started teaching me about trusting not only him, but my husband.
Now, it’s not that I didn’t trust my husband before. I’ve just always wanted to do it myself. And, this was the first time I was letting him do it. Letting him take care of me.
Of course, I will get a job eventually and contribute financially. My husband found a teaching job, so we have a stable income and benefits, and right now we can make it on his salary.
For probably the first time in my life I feel okay with just being. Not working towards something or stressing over something or taking the burden on all by myself. And you know what? I feel at peace. In no rush. Living everyday and enjoying it and what we have. It feels good to relinquish control and let someone take care of you financially, while I can take care of the home for him.
As a woman in our era I think I fought against being a “wife” in the traditional sense. Lately, though, God has shown me the joy you can feel when you’re not trying to do it all—all by yourself.
So, I think, especially when we have kids, I will have a better (and much-needed) respect and reliance on my husband. And I think, this will be important in his development as a father. Equality is not just about how much each person contributes financially, but how we trust and rely on each other. I take care of him and he takes care of me. Respect, appreciation, and trust. Marriage is a partnership, so getting out of the feeling that I have to rely on myself will make our relationship stronger.
This was a guest post by Kristen, who recently moved back home to Baton Rouge, LA and is attempting to make healthier choices with her life—body, food, family, God, and finances, which she writes about on her blog, Live Better. Live Wholly.
Secrets of a Newlywed: Let Your Husband Lead
Secrets of a Newlywed: Learning What My Husband Really Wants
Labels: Secrets of a Newlywed