This is the next post in Secrets of a Newlywed, a series where I and a handful of other bloggers open up and share some of the lessons, insights and understandings—the little secrets—that have strengthened our marriages. (To read through all the posts in this series, click here.)
Today, I am happy to share a guest post with you from Kristen: Letting Your Husband Provide For You.
I have always been an independent person—a mild feminist, I suppose. When I know what I want, I work hard to achieve my goal. I’m the oldest child from a divorced home, so I guess I always felt like I had to take care of myself.
My husband and I got married when we were still in college, so we both had to work, waiting tables. We always felt like we were in this together: A welcome balance and equality—something that I think was crucial in our early years.
We’ve just passed our sixth wedding anniversary. We’re done with school (I finished grad school a year ago), and we’ve started (or will soon be starting) our careers. And, we’ve finally gotten to the point where we want kids in a few years.
Our marriage has changed a lot in six years—and we have changed a lot ourselves. Lately, God has been teaching me a lot about being a wife. What it means. Who I want to be. What my husband wants.
We recently moved from Philadelphia back home to Louisiana. It was all very sudden—we felt God leading us back home, so we obeyed and went. We lived with my mom for a little while just to save up some money and find jobs.
My husband wanted me to take a month off before getting a job. Of course, I was delighted to take a break! However, I found that after a week, I felt the urge to work again. I’ve had a job since 11th grade, even while in school. We’re trying to get debt free, so I felt like I should be contributing to our finances. But, no, my husband said I’ve always worked and needed some time to relax, refresh, and recenter. (What a keeper!) And, what’s a sure fire way to figure out what God wants you to do? Be still and listen.
I found that after I let go of the need to be in control—be independent—be the one to make sure everything is always fine—God started teaching me about trusting not only him, but my husband.
Now, it’s not that I didn’t trust my husband before. I’ve just always wanted to do it myself. And, this was the first time I was letting him do it. Letting him take care of me.
Of course, I will get a job eventually and contribute financially. My husband found a teaching job, so we have a stable income and benefits, and right now we can make it on his salary.
For probably the first time in my life I feel okay with just being. Not working towards something or stressing over something or taking the burden on all by myself. And you know what? I feel at peace. In no rush. Living everyday and enjoying it and what we have. It feels good to relinquish control and let someone take care of you financially, while I can take care of the home for him.
As a woman in our era I think I fought against being a “wife” in the traditional sense. Lately, though, God has shown me the joy you can feel when you’re not trying to do it all—all by yourself.
So, I think, especially when we have kids, I will have a better (and much-needed) respect and reliance on my husband. And I think, this will be important in his development as a father. Equality is not just about how much each person contributes financially, but how we trust and rely on each other. I take care of him and he takes care of me. Respect, appreciation, and trust. Marriage is a partnership, so getting out of the feeling that I have to rely on myself will make our relationship stronger.
This was a guest post by Kristen, who recently moved back home to Baton Rouge, LA and is attempting to make healthier choices with her life—body, food, family, God, and finances, which she writes about on her blog, Live Better. Live Wholly.
Related Posts
Secrets of a Newlywed: Let Your Husband Lead
Secrets of a Newlywed: Learning What My Husband Really Wants
I'm glad you were able to take some time off to relax and that you learned so much during your time off! Learning that it's okay to rely on other people is an important lesson for all of us.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more, Jillian. I think that it can be hard in our "pull yourself up by the boot straps" culture to be okay asking for help and letting others serve us, but I think it also teaches us so much about how much we can't do everything on our own and how much we do need others. Thanks for reading and commenting!
ReplyDeleteI love this series so much! Thank you for starting it! I am recently engaged and I am searching for this kind of information so I can be the best wife I can be to my fiance.
ReplyDeleteMore and more I'm feeling the need to move towards the more traditional role of wife, but I'm having a hard time reconciling this urge with society's pressures. I know this is something my fiance is struggling with too, because he wants to be able to provide for me in the future.
Every post in this series you put up gives me a little more confidence in what I'm feeling called to.
Thank you so much!
"Equality is not just about how much each person contributes financially, but how we trust and rely on each other." Couldn't agree more.
ReplyDeleteI also struggled similarly in that I wanted to be in-control of our finances since I had more experience and a better grip. When Ted asked if he could take that weight off me (and switch banks) it was hard to let go. But, I've found so much freedom in trusting him to care for us.
Donna, I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying this series and using some of these insights to prepare you for your own. It can be hard to follow your heart rather than what society expects of you, but I have found so much enjoyment when I let myself do that. Baking bread vs. a boardroom meeting? A few years ago I never would have imagined that today I'd pick baking bread! :) Congratulations on your engagement! I trust that you will savor the gift of marriage and your role as wife as much as I do!
ReplyDeleteTamara, I definitely struggled with letting go of the finances, too. Which is why I realized I *had* to let go. For my own good and for the good of our marriage. Like you said, doing so really taught me that I could trust my husband and gave so much more appreciation for the fact that really does want to take care of me! It's a beautiful thing to realize that :)
ReplyDeleteI really loved this blog! I am the same way. I have always been really independent and self-relient but my fiance is the type of man that loves to spoil me! I am having to learn that I am not being a burden on him when he does things for me, that he enjoys doing those things. This article made me realize that it's not just about me being able to completely take care of myself, it's about letting him help me out when I need it and helping him out when he needs it. To lean on each other instead of trying to be strong all by myself.
ReplyDeleteWell-stated, Anonymous! So glad you enjoyed this article. :)
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