Secrets of a Newlywed: Learning To Trust Him...In Everything

This is the next post in Secrets of a Newlywed, a series where I and a handful of other bloggers open up and share some of the lessons, insights and understandings—the little secrets—that have strengthened our marriages. (To read through all the posts in this series, click here.)  

Today, I am happy to share this guest post from Iradis: Learning to Trust Him...In Everything

When I think back to a few years ago, I hardly recognize the woman I once was. More accurately, the girl I once was. A scarred girl with deep seated trust issues that resurfaced when my future husband and I started becoming serious about our relationship and issues which continued even after we married.

Before my husband and I met, I was still healing from a previous relationship which was abusive on all levels. My self worth was nonexistent and I trusted no one, not even my own parents. Within a few months of moving back home to my parents, by God's grace my eyes were opened and I was redeemed.

Quickly, I came to realize that although by His mercy, I was healing and able to forgive the man who scarred me, I still could not trust. One day, in my life journal I came across this Bible verse (Luke 16:10) and I couldn't get it out of my head: "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." These verses also go on and talk about how we cannot serve two masters and must choose either God or money.

In my meditation of this verse, the answer was simple. If I could allow myself to trust in God, then I needed to be able to trust my family, the people who loved me. After this realization, I thought I had a grip on my trust issues.

Eventually, I fell in love with the man who would soon become my husband. I was also quite secure that I had overcome my trust issues. Little did I know, my trust issues were still lying dormant.

Fast forward to about 18 months into our marriage. I naively thought my trust issues were a thing of the past. Sure, we would have arguments like normal couples. One night, we had an epic (literally WW III) argument and I felt at such a loss. Then the lightbulb moment came; not that night or the next or even the following week. It actually didn't hit me until a few months ago.

Here was my realization: the core issue with each argument was distrust on my part! And much to my surprise, it was my lack of trust in the little things. I didn't trust my husband to change out the lightbulb in a timely fashion. I didn't trust him with doing the laundry like he said he would.

The list went on and over time, I had become resentful. That epic meltdown even lead me to rip all the pages out of my journal, where I had written about meeting my husband, falling in love, and everything about our lives up until that point. All because I didn't let myself trust my husband in the small stuff.

Learning to trust my husband in the little things began with making the conscious choice to trust that he would actually do the laundry or change that lightbulb. Every time I feel distrust creeping in, I remind myself that since I trust my husband with the big stuff, then I also need to trust him with the small stuff. Of course, even now and for the rest of our lives, I still have to constantly make the choice to trust but at least now I can recognize it.

While I still get sad about my rash actions that night, I strongly believe the importance of trusting in the little things in order to help our marriage continue to flourish. The biggest change I have noticed in our marriage is that in the past year, we have a lot less arguments when it comes to doing the laundry, changing the lightbulb or doing any other household chore.

In fact, the change has been so refreshing that my husband asked me the other day our last argument about doing laundry because he couldn't remember. Amen! All that small stuff is a lot easier to deal with and talk about when I choose to trust my husband.

Being able to trust my husband with the small stuff will allow me to trust him with the bigger stuff. If he doesn't do the laundry when I think it should be done, that's okay! Making the choice to trust my husband with the small stuff has made a huge difference in how we handle arguments in our marriage. Now when I read Luke 16:10, it really serves as a good reminder on how I need to trust my husband.

This was a guest post by Iradis, aka Urban Wife. She says, "I am married to my best friend, Red Beard. We just begun year 4 of marriage and it's been a thrilling journey so far. We can't wait to see what else God has in store and what other lessons we will learn. Feel free to stop by my blog Life Faith Fully for more about our lives. A huge thanks to Carmen for allowing me to share my insights of marriage - she is a great inspiration & blessing for me in many ways!"

Related Posts
The Truth About Conflict in Relationships
Secrets of a Newlywed: Let Your Husband Lead

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