Why I Keep Looking Back and Reminding Myself...

When my husband and I took our Judaism class, they kicked off the first session by looking at Jacob (son of Isaac, son of Abraham) who is one of the patriarchs of Judaism. Abraham is deemed "the first Jew" but it is his grandson Jacob who gains the name Israel and from him that we get the Old Testament's nation of Israel.

The rabbi pointed us to the part in Jacob's story where he is on a journey and is left alone at a riverbed, when a man comes and begins to wrestle with him. They wrestle until morning and the man cannot defeat Jacob. The man goes to leave but Jacob says, "I will let you go if you will bless me." It is there that the man—who we learn is actually God—blesses Jacob and changes his name from Jacob to Israel, which literally means "he wrestles with God."

This story, the rabbi explained, is a testament to how wrestling with God—sorting him out, learning to trust him, working through your questions and hardships about who he really is—is fundamental to the Jewish faith. There is no expectation that you will not struggle, but that through struggling you will see God face to face and be saved and blessed as Jacob was.

For me, there are times when I'm reading the Bible and I wonder, How do I know this is true? Why do I believe in this? How do I know that I'm not wasting my life on this faith? It's during those times, that I start to turn back the pages on my own journey, I start looking back at all the places where I can clearly see God parted the seas to deliver me, where he went ahead of me and prepared the impossible to come to pass.

I remember how much my life has changed and how it is richer—in so many more ways than that word implies—now than it has ever been. I look at my own heart and can see the beauty that has been planted into it and how it continues to be cultivated by his grace, pulling out the weeds that have festered there for too long.

It's that remembering, peering back and reminding myself of God's goodness in the past—and his promises for the future—that reassures me of the path I'm on. The wrestling, the squirming calms and I finally come to rest back in his arms, trust and faith renewed again.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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An Epiphany About Reorganizing

If you've been paying attention to my weekly to-do lists lately, you've noticed that I've been on something of an organization kick. So far, I've been working my way through our bookshelves, our built-in cabinets, the freezer, my closet, and my nightstand.

It's my natural tendency to love organization and for everything to have its place. There's something soothing about knowing where things are when you need them. So when my husband and I first moved into this little apartment of ours, I took my time trying to think through the process of where each piece belonged, grouping like items together, finding apt-sized containers to corral smaller items, trying to think ahead about where I might look for a certain object.

And for the past year, the organization has worked. When my husband asks where something is, I can usually tell him within one or two guesses—it's either here or there.

But lately, I've started looking at this humble abode of ours with new eyes. I've started to think, "Now what if I rearranged that?" "Is there a way I could make this arrangement even better, even more practical?" "Where is space being wasted?"

And as I've asked myself these questions, I've started getting new ideas, seeing new solutions and fine-tuning the layout and structure to make something that worked well to work even better. The lights click on and keep clicking as I make my way through our cupboard and shelves and drawers.

It's been an epiphany to realize that I don't have to wait until something needs to be fixed, but I can be preemptive and bring improvement now. Normally, if something is working well, I leave it as is and don't mess with it until need be. But over the course of a year, things that I thought would work inevitably show less practicality or stumble slowly into disarray. 

And so I'm discovering and relishing the opportunity to, slowly but surely, look at this little realm of ours and find little ways to make it work better for us. Which goes to show that it's never too late or too early for a little change.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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Learning to Live Proverbs 31: Cultivating the Art of Resourcefulness

One of the things I’ve noticed since getting married is how suddenly it put my homemaking urge into overdrive. Given, much of it boils down to necessity: Living for two essentially on a one-income salary, there’s a greater need for me to learn how to make things stretch.
I’ve always had an eye for sales and mark-downs and flitting from Target to thrift shop to TJ Maxx. But now, there seems a purpose to it. And I am enjoying the “challenge” of learning to make-do, to see the benefit it makes to our family now, and knowing the foundation it is laying for the future.

We’re all familiar with the wifely image presented in Proverbs 31, she who is “of noble character” and “worth far more than rubies.” When I went back and read that section a few days ago, I took note of how much of that section focuses on the work of her hands.

There are about 20 verses that describe what it is about her that makes her so commendable. Of those verses, 11 revolve around the work she does for her household to provide and prepare it for the future.

In one of the books on the role of a Christian wife that I read, the author emphasized that women learn to be content and resourceful with what they do have. Oftentimes (especially if you are a stay-at-home mother), there’s little you can do about your income.

But as a wife who deals with much of the day-to-day decisions of the household, you have the ability to put your creativity to use and bridge this gap through your savings, your spending and your handy DIY projects.

These are the things God has placed in our hands; we are called to appreciate those gifts, make the most of them and avoid lamenting other things we wish we had.

So for now, while I’m still a newlywed and still awhile away from motherhood, I’m starting small on this journey of homemaking. I don’t expect to figure out all the corners to cut or save every single penny. What I do want to do is learn and keep learning how to do this.

Right now, that means things like learning how to make store-bought items from scratch, scouring sale ads from local groceries and even clipping coupons, which I never understood until now. For now, those baby steps are good enough for me.

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
- Proverbs 31:27

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.)

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Why I Started This Blog

I've always loved writing, ever since I was a young girl and in second grade we got to write and illustrate our own picture books. I must have created a dozen different stories. I remember going on a family vacation to Florida and sitting in the back of our station wagon, penning my own version of Pippi Longstocking.

There was something about words that I loved even then and the creativity of it all. By high school, my thesaurus became a great friend, as I began discovering new words like "pastiche," "panache," "euphoric" and "harbinger." I even kept a little notebook of the singsong words I came across, eager to fill my writing with the flowery vocabulary. With the vantage point of time, it's embarrassingly obvious that it lacked all the poetic vigor I'd hoped for, instead coming off clunky and forced, like an actor awkwardly clamoring onto his scene with a loud clang. Yet, still, I was learning and loving.

It was that joy—especially encouraged by my teachers—that inspired me to take my love to the next level and pursue writing as a career. So I went to college and majored in magazine writing, working for our alumni magazine, interning for a few magazines throughout college and even creating a fake shelter magazine of my own. Upon graduation, I found a job working as an assistant editor at a design magazine that just-so-happened to be in my hometown. Providence? Yep.

One thing I quickly learned quickly upon entering the working world, though, was that I didn't really love writing that much after all. What I realized is that I love writing about what I want to write about. This came as quite a surprise to me; I didn't realize how much the words behind the words mattered to me and motivated me. Which was one of the reasons I decided to try my hand in the Christian publishing sector, because there I could write about what had, over the years, become my utmost passion: my faith. Even there, though, something seemed missing; I was being paid to write the words "God" and "Christianity," but it still wasn't the writing that made me excited and that poured from my fingertips.

In journalism school they tell you, "Write what you know." At the time I thought that meant you write your biography or some clip of a moment from your life. It's only now that I realize what that means and that it's through this burgeoning blog of mine that I've finally discovered that. That I've finally rested upon the sort of writing that got me started in the first place: The writing that is personal but also practical, where I can express my emotions but also seek to help others learn a lesson or two in the process.

It's been more than two years since I first started this blog, with little plan except I needed a hobby in a new city and there was a nagging feeling on my heart. Now, I can see how it's morphed and grown up ever so slowly. Like a symbiotic relationship, this is the kind of writing that fuels me and why I sit behind this blog and type and post and edit and brainstorm some more.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.)

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Hope For the "In-Between" Times of Life

In a Bible study I did when I lived in Grand Rapids, we studied Beth Moore’s Psalms of Ascent and looked at Psalm 126, a poem that I can relate to because it speaks of what I like to call "the in-between times" in life.

In this passage, the people are bemoaning their current situation in light of how God once blessed them so much. They desire those times again and beg God, “Restore our fortunes, LORD.”

When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

And yet, the beauty of this psalm is that they hold on to hope. In spite of their current circumstances, they still look to God for hope and help and they hold fast to faith. Look at how they talk about “sow[ing] in tears” and “go[ing] out weeping, carrying seed to sow.”

As we studied this psalm, I saw how these people pressed forward in spite of their current hardships: they continued planting…because they knew that God would come along at some point and bring harvest to their actions.

Ecclesiastes 11:4 says this another way: “If you worry about the weather and don’t plant seeds, you won’t harvest a crop.” We have to set out even when skies are bleak or stars aren’t aligned.

That to me is “a leap of faith.” Even if we don’t see fruit or hope immediately, we don’t give up. We continue on: asking, praying, doing and ultimately trusting in Psalm 27:13-14: “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

I often find myself in moments where I’m wishing I were already at the finish line, able to look back and smile appreciatively at everything in hindsight. Like with the unknown about my job situation or income that we’re currently facing.

And yet, I know that what I do now will enable that: Taking steps of faith (praying confidently and boldly, continuing to tithe rather than the urge to stockpile finances, not giving in to worry or anxiety, etc.) and trusting that with them, God will bring about that harvest—when the time is right.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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Rejoicing In A Morning Slowed

This morning I felt unusually peaceful and patient and calm and unhurried. As I sat at the breakfast table with my Bible opened wide, I did not rush through my daily reading like usual. Instead, I thumbed through the concordance at the end, looking up my latest curiosities, seeking stories I couldn't remember clearly, pausing over all the noted places where Scriptures speak of things like "joy."

I pulled out my notebook and journalled, a practice I all too often abandon when time seizes up and captures my attention, pulling me away from what truly is most eternally urgent for that which is simply of the moment.

It was so unusual, that I noticed it. Isn't that sad? I took note of the fact that today, I simply sat before the King and drank in his presence without regard to all the things calling to me, "Martha! Martha!"

I dearly welcomed this change of pace. And it got me wondering...why was today any different? Is it that I no longer have a day's worth of work duties beckoning me to the computer and to emails and to phone calls?

Then I remembered this morning's prayer. As I watched my husband walk out the front door, lunch in hand, I could tell he was feeling rushed. I could tell his morning was not getting off to the best start. So as I closed the door behind him, I prayed for him, that the ticking of the clock and burden of responsibilities might be overwhelmed by God's peace "which transcends all understanding." (Philippians 4:7)

I prayed that for my husband, and yet I realized that God, in his goodness, shared that gift even with me, though I hadn't realized that I needed it, too. What a kind and generous God we serve.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village.
And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.
And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.
But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said,
“Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”
But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,
but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion,
which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 


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The Call to Simplicity

There seem to be times when one thing after another happens that all seem to point toward the same idea, same need, same change. One or two of these instances and we might shrug it off. But when you start noticing them all around you, they morph into one big sign that begs you to listen up.

In a Bible study I took a couple of years ago, this sort of chain of events was called "the mercy of confirmation." It was that when God really wants us to do something, he is merciful and will often tell us over and over again to get our attention. Of course we ought to respond and obey the first time, but it usually takes us a little while to catch on...

Such has been the case lately, for me where God has gently been placing circumstances in my path that have all been pointing, like a giant, glowing arrow, toward the call to slow down.

It started off innocently enough, when my husband and I decided to check out a local bird-watching walk. Yes, bird-watching. It was nothing neither of us had ever had much interest in, but it would be educational, outdoors and free. Why not? And after our first excursion—where the other "birders" heaped years' worth of insights and knowledge upon us—we were in awe of how peaceful the whole event had been, where we'd stand beneath a knotted, hundred-year-old tree and scan its branches for minutes on end, looking for a fluttering of wings or pecking of beaks.

Little did I know that my soul was thirsting for more of this.

A couple of weeks later, my husband suggested we begin a weekly routine of observing our own Sabbath. (A few months ago, we did enjoy one day of intentional rest, but that was as far as it went that time.) And the first week we tried it, I could barely sit still, as I stared at the dishes stacked in the sink, made mental notes of emails to type, or recipes to look up. I even kept a to-do list for the next day, when I could start tackling productivity with abandon. A sad reality that I hardly even knew how to appreciate rest.

Multiple sermons, readings and Scripture verses later, one thing started to pop up and then another. They strung together like beads, each building off the other until I got a book in the mail that made the string complete. It was a study titled, Becoming a Woman of Simplicity.

As I started moving through the pages, I started to see how everything I'd been reading—about abiding in Jesus, about our need for the Holy Spirit, about Jerusalem being rebuilt—fit together like a masterpiece: "She is a woman of profound simplicity because she has only one focus: being simply and purely devoted to Christ," the introduction read.

That's when I understood that the Holy Spirit was calling me into an exploration of simplifying, of uncluttering for the sake of putting Christ first. I'm still at the very beginning of this journey and not sure the specifics it entails just yet. Except that I know I'm going to try to keep my ears perked and eyes widened as I wait for more "mercies" to come my way...

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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Learning to Cook: An Art I Neglected for 26 Years

I'm not normally a procrastinator. More likely, I'm apt to have an assignment done with plenty of time to spare and my to-do list cleared off. But there's one area I've discovered—only now—where these over-achiever tendencies did not translate, and I wish they had.
You see, for 26 years I never really learned how to cook.

I can decorate a house, whip up some crafts, even bargain-shop to my heart's delight. But this other facet of the art of homemaking never seemed all that important to me...until now.

Growing up, I had an Easy Bake Oven and even a little candy-making kit. But even then, the process was all about the end result rather than enjoying the process. That mindset--that cooking is little more than a means to an end—has haunted me ever since. In college, I subsisted on granola bars, cheese crackers, easy mac and tacos. As I moved from apartment to apartment in the years following, I'd add a couple new items to my menu-repertoire (like veggie burgers and baked potatoes), but little "real cooking."

To me, cooking took too long and too many ingredients. All the recipes for things I wanted to try were so complicated. Grocery shopping was the bane of my existence, exasperating me as I meandered the aisles trying to find the simplest things on my list. From my perspective, it wasn't worth the effort it took. And let's be completely honest here: I was intimidated by it. I'd never learned how to cook, so I never attemped to learn. It was a self-perpetuating cycle.

That is, until I got married and now had someone else to think of. Even though my husband is easy to please and would be content with a revolving schedule of pizza-spaghetti-chicken, as a new wife, cooking now took on new meaning. Suddenly, now it mattered to me. But I was (and, often, still am) lost about where to start, seeing as I never did. It has felt a bit like a mad scramble to make up for lost time and overcome my lack of a home-ec education.

The last two years have been an attempt to brush up in this area. Especially in anticipation that someday it will not just be me and my husband, but a whole family. That's quite a responsibility, and as I've come to realize, learning to cook—and learning to enjoy to cook—takes time. So I'll start learning now, so that someday I really do enjoy it.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.)

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Why I Don't Own a Television

My husband and I don't own a television.

And it doesn't really feel that weird to us. In fact, I actually like it this way, at least for now.

It all started a couple of years ago when I was single and the staples of my television schedule were "America's Next Top Model," "Heroes," and "Gilmore Girls." One night, as I flipped off the TV, I realized that nothing had happened during that episode. I kept watching, episode after episode, hoping it might be satisfying or thrilling or something. But somehow, in spite of how they made the previews look, it usually ended up being disappointing much of the time.

I read a quote somewhere that said that we ought spend our time doing things we need to do or things we love to do. Our time is far too precious to be spent on anything less. So, I decided to spend my leisure time on things I enjoyed more or found more fulfilling.

As I cut out television watching, I realized I didn't really miss it, and, more than two years later, I still don't. For one, our apartment really doesn't offer much space to a television set (because we have no intention of keeping one in our bedroom, which happens to be the largest room in the place) and our budget doesn't really accommodate one of those fancy flat-screens either.

But more than that, we've found that it makes us be selective about our viewing habits. To watch something, we either have to make friends with folks who also enjoy that show, stream it online or rent it from Netflix.

It's like when you get accustomed to drinking a fine wine (or so I'm told): No longer does the "junk" satisfy. If it's not something I really want to watch, it's hard for me to sit through it. I start to feel bored and wasteful.

It's a system that works for us, causing us to be picky about our habits and freeing us up for other pursuits—like this blog!

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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An Introduction to Using Swagbucks: The Search Engine that Rewards You for Your Curiosity

I've had a few people ask me to share more about Swagbucks—what it is and how it works. So, I decided to compile an introduction to Swagbucks to hopefully provide some more insight to those interested in learning how by simply switching the search engine you use, you can get free gift cards and prizes. Read on to find out how to sign up for Swagbucks for free, what kinds of prizes you can win and more!

What is Swagbucks?

Basically, Swagbucks.com is a new search engine, with the perk that they reward you for searching with them. Swagbucks uses Google and Ask.com to generate its search results so it's not really any different if you already use either of those. Except that you can get rewarded for it!

You sign up for an account with them, and they reward you with points as you perform your searches through Swagbucks. When you rack up enough points, you can cash them in for gift certificates or selected products. If you want to sign up, follow this link. If you do, it'll show that I referred you, and I'll get extra points for doing that.

And I can vouch from my own personal experience that Swagbucks is 100% not a scam. I was a little weary at first of whether it was legit or not. I've been using it for more than two years now, and have accumulated thousands of points which I've redeemed for more than $100-worth of gift cards.

The kinds of prizes you can get

Prizes run the gamut and it seems like they're continually expanding options. Most of the rewards I've chosen have been for Amazon.com gift certificates, however you can also choose from gift certificates to Starbucks, Target, iTunes, Macy's, Restaurant.com, Red Envelope, as well as PayPal Cash.

They also offer products as prizes, including perfumes, magazine subscriptions, DVDs, reusable water bottles, video games, school supplies, and even electronics like a turntable or flat panel tv (although, as you might guess, those last ones cost a lot more points!).

My experience using Swagbucks

I originally found out about Swagbucks from a coworker in April 2009. Since then, I've cashed in more than $100-worth of rewards.

Looking back at my rewards history, it seems pretty consistent that I've earned enough points every month to cash in for at least one $5 Amazon gift card. The $5 Amazon card is worth 450 points. I tend to get between 8 and 13 points for my searches, although not every search will result in points. And recently I got 47 points for a single search! It's usually random, but if I do a few in a row, one of them is bound to add points to my account. And make sure you definitely search on Fridays, because every Friday is Mega Swagbucks Day where they award extra points.

Plus, I haven't noticed any difference in the "answers" I get from my searches. Since Swagbucks is an aggregate of Google.com and Ask.com, the search results remain pretty spot on. You can also limit your search to images and news items, which I love!

Making the most of Swagbucks

One of the best things I did to make sure I am earning as many Swagbucks as possible, is that I changed my internet settings and set my search toolbar to automatically direct any searches through Swagbucks. (Usually in your internet browser window/toolbar, there should be a place where you can change your default search-engine options.)

Swagbucks has been expanding a great deal since I joined over two years ago, adding a variety of ways to earn additional points beyond just your regular browsing. You can download their toolbar, answer surveys and polls, shop through the Swagbucks site, earn points for trading in old electronics, as well as complete specific tasks (called "jobs") that you can cash out for Swagbucks. Personally, I like to earn extra points by taking the daily point (an easy way to grab an extra point) and by printing online coupons via Swagbucks (which I talked more about here).

Even without taking advantage of every way to earn Swagbucks and sticking mostly to just the normal everyday search engine usage, I've still done quite well! It's been a nice way to pay for some of our little extras; I know some people who save up all their Swagbucks points and redeem them at Christmas so that they don't have to spend any money out-of-pocket on presents!

How to sign up for Swagbucks

If you want to sign up, please follow this link. If you do, it'll show that I referred you, and I'll get extra points for doing that!

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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What the Lord Has Been Teaching Me About Inconvenience

Lately, I feel like the Lord has been teaching me a lot about inconvenience.

I guess it started about a year ago, when we decided to downgrade to one car (out of frugal necessity, really, rather than choice). Perhaps for the first time, my eyes were opened to the blessings that came alongside inconvenience, seeing how the change made me be more intentional about considering our schedules, accepting the hospitality of friends and neighbors who were willing to give us a ride when needed, as well as the obvious financial fruits that resulted.

And then when we moved into our new apartment, it has seemed like one thing after another has happened, regarding discovering new leaks and creaks all over. For the first few days, we didn't even have hot water, so we had to heat up big stock-pots worth of water just when I wanted to do dishes. (We don't have a dishwasher either!)

Currently, we have a small invasion of teensy-tiny ants that have been driving me crazy, as I race after them with a fly swatter, flip-flop or little bottle of bleach-water to drown them with.

It's been one, and then another.

And each time, when the frustrations flair, I feel like the Lord is asking me to be thankful for these inconveniences. He is teaching me that though they are annoying and often more time-consuming than not, there is still—there is always—something to be thankful for. He is teaching me to accept what is given to me with grace. He is teaching me to see with new eyes how small these things really are, despite how big they feel in the moment.

He is teaching me to let him have his way with my heart, even through these most minor of situations. Though they are trivialities to be sure, he is still at work, molding and shaping. Turning everything into a lesson. What, around here, we like to call a "blesson." ;)

I know that this little journey that the Lord is taking me on right now is not over or near complete. I can sense I am still in the middle of this, perhaps even at the beginning!

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.)

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What "Going Green" Looks Like For Me

I remember being in elementary school and learning about the dwindling rain forests. I remember the commercials that aired, teaching us the “3 R’s: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.” So was my foray into environmentalism, when I convinced my dad to start a compost pile and tried to turn empty toilet paper rolls into all sorts of craft items.

A decade later, we’re still trying to incorporate “green” and “eco-friendly” into our daily life, albeit in more grown-up ways and without reusing toilet paper rolls! What I’ve found most interesting, though, is how friendly—even convenient—“going green” has been to our lifestyle and budget.

To “go green” you don’t have to buy a pair of organic cotton jeans that cost $150; just go to the thrift store and find a pair that fits for $10. I love buying used clothes, furniture, décor or housewares and being able to get a one-of-a-kind item for a dollar or two; it’s like a treasure hunt for me. It doesn’t even feel like I’m “reusing.”

Instead of buying something brand new that you know you’ll only use a handful of times, why not see if you can borrow it from someone else? When my husband and I needed a stud-finder for one-time use, we ended up borrowing it from my dad. I wanted to try my hand at baking homemade bread, so I asked my mom if I could have her bread maker that’s been sitting in the basement.

I’ve tried to get crafty when new wants or needs arise to use things I already have or make my own. For instance, when I wanted to decorate our apartment for the holidays. I ended up ironing a large swatch of olive green linen fabric into a table runner and using some festive jewelry to accent a cluster of candles.  Even for decorations at my wedding, I trolled through my house to find items that could be repurposed for the occasion, like an old bedspread thrown atop the cake table or a picnic basket used to display the favors.

Obviously, I don’t do all of these things 100 percent of the time: I still end up throwing things away. I still buy new products. I can’t always afford the greenest items on the shelves. But I try. For me, it’s about trying to live as wise stewards of the resources God has given to me. That also includes my time and energy. So you won’t see me washing out Ziploc bags (though I do try to keep their use to a minimum) or taking buckets into the shower with me to save the water (but I am also are aware of how much water I am using).

A fine line, but it works for me!

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with a whole slew of new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.)

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Learning to Praise God "Even If We Lose"

There’s a movie called Facing the Giants. It’s by the same church that put out Fireproof. It’s a feel-good football movie with a plot that is pretty familiar so far as movies go: Ragtag team of misfits can’t win a game to save their life. They’re resigned to being losers, until a coach takes heart in them. He helps them overcome the odds and come from behind to win the league—become the champions that few believed in.

(For me, the original of this genre will always be “The Mighty Ducks.”)

Anyway, this is that with a Christian twist. The team becomes good because they begin playing for “a higher cause.” (It’s a small-town Christian school, so they can get away with that.)

My husband thought the movie was really cheesy, which it is—but so are pretty much all the other movies in this category. Nonetheless, I truly enjoyed it, cheese and all.

The reason I bring the movie up isn’t to review it but to share a line that was repeated throughout the movie that I fell in love with. As the team prepared for each game of the season, the coach told them, “If we win, we’re going to praise God. And if we lose, we’re going to praise God. No matter what happens tonight on that football field, we’re going to make the choice to praise God for it.”

This simple, made-up movie scene has stuck with me and encourages me in the moments when I’m discouraged or questioning why God isn’t doing something or has let something happen. It stops me in my tracks and reminds me that in spite of what my emotions or circumstances might say about a situation, I need to praise God for it.

As Job says, in the midst of having lost all his livestock, his children and his health, “Should we take only good things from God and not trouble?" (Job 2:10)

It’s not easy to swallow my pride and thank God for the situation that’s inconvenient or frustrating or the exact opposite of what I’ve been praying for. But I grit my teeth and praise him anyway, taking the bad along with the good, and expecting him to fulfill his word and bring redemption, somehow, someway.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.)

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Telling My Husband I Love Him, in Three Words

There is something to be said for the vulnerability of the words, "I need you." Whether it's to God ("I need you"), to my husband ("I need you") or to my dear friends ("I need you") these words are some of the most powerful  I've found—and also must unspoken.

In marriage, those words can seem scary even though, whether you utter them or not, they are incredibly true. I need my husband. Of course I do! He holds my heart in his hands. Everything he does or says affects me. His sentiments and love dance in my heart. Of course I need him. Who do I turn to when I'm having a bad day? Who do I tell my fears and my ideas to? Whose opinion matters most to me? I need him and his care and his heart and his strength and his encouragement and his wisdom and his protection. That's what marriage does. Two become one and you need each other. But that doesn't make you "needy."

I remember realizing this—that I need him. And I don't remember the specifics of it, when or where or how, but I told him, I told him that I need him. Even now, if I'm having a down-and-out kind of day and I need a hug or an encouragement, I'll whisper those words to him. "I need you." And with that, I put my heart out on the table.

Isn't that what C.S. Lewis said about love, though? "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

And yet, when you admit that vulnerability out-loud, that is when the depth of your love starts to come into view and you realize the enormity of it all.
  
For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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Decision Making: Out of Faith or Fear?

Want to know something funny about how God works?

Remember when I got the job offer that I ended up turning down? Only days before my second interview with them when they offered me the job, I received an email from the company I'm currently freelancing for, extending my contract by at least two months. That probably doesn't sound like a lot of time to anyone else, but for me, living on the knowledge of only one month at a time, that's luxury. My entire definition of stability has been overhauled and having more than 30 days, well that's more stability than I've known in quite awhile!

Having that knowledge made it easier for me to turn the job down, knowing that it wasn't (at least for the time being), this crummy, queasiness-inducing offer or nothing. It made it easier for me to step out in faith and say "no" even when logic might compel someone to decide otherwise.

I’ve learned a thing or two over the past year and a half when it comes to big decisions like this one…

I remember, two summers ago, trying to decide whether to take a job in a new state where I knew no one. I remember being scared to take it, what if it didn't work out? But I also had been witness to God going before me and opening this door, and I knew that I couldn't turn back now, just because of fear. I stepped out in faith and took the job and moved to Michigan.

I remember this past summer, when my husband and I were getting married and trying to decide whether to move to Atlanta or stay in Michigan. This time it was different though, because it wasn't clear either way; there were pros and cons to each.

I felt like God, rather than closing one door and opening the other, was, this time, opening both as viable options and saying, "This time, you get to choose." And as I thought more about this decision, I started to hone in on this idea of fear. The idea of moving to Atlanta, leaving all "security" behind, was the scary decision, calling for a bigger leap of faith. And I realized I didn't want to make a decision based on fear. And so we ended up packing up and moving to Atlanta.

Those two life-changing decisions, made less than a year apart, have had an incredible impact on me and came into play with this job offer decision. I recognized that I would only take the job based on fear, fear of not knowing where my next paycheck might come from when this freelancing gig dries up.

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." I think there's a lot of truth to that statement, and I'm trying to learn to not let fear steer me in my decision making but instead walk by faith. And, as He's shown me in these previous examples and time and time again throughout my life, God has not let me down yet when I do.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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Resources to Stretch Your Holiday Shopping

I've shared a few tips before of little and easy ways I've found to save money, without having to make any real sacrifices. Today I wanted to introduce another tactic that you can use whenever you do any online shopping to get cash back for your purchases (which is especially timely if you prefer to do most of your Christmas shopping online like I do!).

How to get cash back for online shopping

The two sites that I'm recommending, Ebates and Mr. Rebates, are completely free sites that link to various online merchants that you'd normally shop at. When you are going to buy something online, log into these sites first and see if they have any affiliations with the site you'll be shopping at. Then, all you have to do is click on the link from their site to the merchant of your choice and continue your purchase as usual. By clicking from their site to the merchant site, you'll actually get a percentage of your purchase back as a rebate. 

I wasn't really sure how these worked and whether they'd be worth it or not. However, I've been using both of these for more than a year (with minimal online purchases, mind you) and can confidently recommend both of them, as I've received checks or gift cards from both without a hitch. (Including rebates and the promo gift card, have earned about $100 over the past year or so that I've been using them both. Considering I don't do all that much shopping to begin with, that's not too shabby!)

A closer look at "Ebates" and "Mr. Rebates"

For example, if you were going to buy something from CafePress, they recently were running a special where you could get 22% of your purchase price back if you clicked through the Mr. Rebates link to the store and made your purchase. Then, once you accumulate a certain amount of money, they will send you a check for the amount. (For Ebates, the threshold for refund is $5.01, and for Mr. Rebates it is $10.)

Plus, there are tons of websites (more than 1,000) that they offer rebates for shopping through, including Target.com, BestBuy.com, Orbitz, eBay and tons of smaller sites. The rebate percentages often range in the single digits, though select shops do get higher percentages (like in the CafePress example above). It is free money to me, so even if it's just a few bucks here and there, it's been worth it to me.

Sign up for free, plus extra perks

Everything about using these sites is completely free, from signing up for an account to getting your check sent to you. Plus, if you sign up for Ebates and make a purchase within 30 days, you can choose a bonus gift card. (I chose a $10 Home Depot gift card that came promptly once I made my first purchase. You can also choose a $10 gift card to Target or as well as a couple of other store or cash-out options.) Or, if you sign up for Mr. Rebates, you'll get a $5 credit in your account to begin with.

Click here to sign up for Ebates (and chose your bonus gift card).
Click here to sign up for Mr. Rebates (and get a $5 credit to your account).

My experience using these cash-back sites

I like having both accounts because each offers different deals and sometimes one will offer a higher percentage back. There are other similar sites, but these are the two that I've liked most and used. Both sites also keep updates about any coupon codes a certain store might be currently offering that you can take advantage of, as well.

The only problem I've found is actually remembering to go to these sites first before making a purchase! I've kicked myself afterward for forgetting to go to these sites first and missing out on some extra cash back! But if you can remember to use them even a handful of times, especially while you're doing some online Christmas shopping this season, I think you'll manage to rack up a nice bit of spare change.

Click here to sign up for Ebates (and chose your bonus gift card).
Click here to sign up for Mr. Rebates (and get a $5 credit to your account).

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.)

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Thoughts on Change and Wondering What the Future Might Hold...

As the seasons switch and autumn wanes, I've been thinking about the changing seasons and the future that will soon arrive with the chilled winds and evenings spent snuggling up on the couch beneath afghans and some kids duvets from days of yore to stay warm.

Sometimes when I try to think of "the future" it seems hard to think of things being any different than they are today. It is hard to see past this current limbo, while we try to figure out what's next for us and our careers and our finances and our futures.

The sensible part of me knows that change is inevitable and will at some point come to pass. That's exactly what time does, after all: usher in change of some sort, whether it's growing limbs, graying hairs or graduating into the next phase of life. Things will of course fall into place, because they always do, even if it's not the way we'd like it.

And lately, I've been feeling like that change is on its way. I have no idea what it will look like, the form it will take and the ripple effect it will induce upon our current "normalcy." But I can sense that this change that we've been awaiting is finally coming towards us and advancing.

And then I sit back and wonder, What will it be like when change does say hello?

I realize that it's likely I'll mourn the loss of these days of having my husband around to keep me company or chat to across the room while I'm doing some freelance work. I know that when change comes it will not be all wine and roses, like it appears from this angle. With the security comes other sacrifices, because there are always sacrifices.

And as I meditate on this more, I remember that one of the things that characterizes changing seasons the most is that we usually miss out on the changing altogether, until the old has completely dissolved and passed away. We open our eyes to realize that fall has become winter and our lashes are laced with snowflakes, or that spring has sprung into summer, just as we're cannon-balling into the swimming pool.

I realize that even though I might not see it happening around me, change must be taking place, because that's how life, that's how God, works. Even though I may not see it from this vantage point, I know that God cares intimately about us and hears our prayers, as he divinely ties it all together into one beautiful tapestry that we won't even notice until we look back behind us.

It's then, when I'm praying and am quiet long enough, that I  can begin to sense the feeling of change. That it's happening, even now, being woven together, bit by bit.

And so as I intermittently long for change and fear what it may bring, I submit to the fact that it is inevitable. And I try to remind myself to relish this now and this season of life—however long it sticks around.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today's original post.)

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Learning About God's Loyalty, Firsthand

When I rewind my life and remember all the milestones that have rooted me in my faith, there is one experience that stands out as a linchpin in my journey. It was during this experience that God brought to life for me, firsthand, one of the Bible's greatest lessons: that of his gentle and unwavering loyalty.

I had been chaperoning a youth group trip to Tennessee and the band had just taken the stage. The music was loud and I sang along wholeheartedly. Until the lyrics of the song, which I knew by heart, reached this point: "Where you lead me, I will follow.... Even if I walk alone, Lord, this I choose to do." Suddenly, I stopped tapping my foot to the beat as the weight of those words, "Even if I walk alone," hit me full force for the first time. They make for a great song, but when it comes to real life, those are hard words to swallow.

I started praying vehemently, God, I love you, but please don't make me go anywhere by myself. Please don't make me have to do it alone. Please don't...

Six months later, I found myself in the very spot I'd prayed against: Making a decision whether to move to a new city where I knew virtually no one and leave behind the city where I felt I had finally come into my own and had forged a rich fabric of kindred friendships. I stood at the cusp, cardboard boxes on one side, comfort and predictability on the other. Which would it be?

Retracing the circumstances that led up to this decision over that span of six months, there was no doubt that God was at work, opening doors in my life and future. But in spite of that awareness, questions still loomed: What if I don't like my job? Who will I hang out with? What if I don't make any friends? Where will I go to church? How is this all going to work? What if this is a mistake? Sure, God had opened a bunch of doors already, but what about the next string of doors?

The decision, then, of whether or not to move, rested on one simple notion: Could I trust God and where He was calling me? Did I truly believe in His loyalty?

A couple months ago, I was reading back through Genesis 1 and noted verse 29 with new eyes. As God introduced Adam to the Garden of Eden, "God said, 'Look, I have given you all the plants that have grain for seeds and all the trees whose fruits have seeds in them. They will be food for you" (Genesis 1:29). As I read that, I realized the significance of the fact that, even before He created the first man (and later, woman), God had already prepared a ripe environment for His beloved creations. They didn't have to ask for food or even know a world without provision—it was ready for them as soon as they stepped onto the scene. That was how God worked out of love then, and God was ever so ready to prove to me that that's how He continues to work today, in spite of my misgivings and dragging heels.

Through much wrestling, godly counsel, and prayer, I decided to move. I recognized that by not moving, I would be turning my back on where God was calling me to go, and I couldn't bear that. Even though I had no idea how this would all work out, I decided I had to take that chance and trust Him. With my car packed full of cardboard boxes, I made the 8-hour drive to my new home.

I remember those first days in that new town, when my boxes were only freshly unpacked and I was just learning my way around. I came across Ecclesiastes 11:4, "Those who wait for perfect weather will never plant seeds; those who look at every cloud will never harvest crops." In a moment of clarity, I saw that this had threatened to be me and my life. I had almost let imperfect circumstances and fears about the future keep me from acting, keep me from sowing, keep me from having to depend on God for the harvest when I couldn't see how this could possibly be fruitful. For those first few weeks, I clung to this verse, whispering to myself over and over again, "Keep sowing. Keep trusting. Persevere."

And as He did for those first humans, God did for me. As He went before them and so many others throughout the biblical narrative, He did for me. As with them, before I even knew what was happening or what to expect, He was at work, bringing the Word to life for me like never before.

He quickly began showing me the frivolity of most of my fears. I found an inspiring church to call home, outlets for volunteering and meeting new people, and things to do on the weekend. Before I knew it, friendships blossomed all around me—a lovely-hearted roommate, friends at work and weekly runs to Starbucks, inspiring girlfriends through church, and a vibrant Bible study. It was obvious that my greatest fears and arguments against going had been for nothing.

Even now, two years after I first wrestled though this decision, God continues to teach me the depths of His loyalty. I carry the reminders and the fruits of that experience with me today, for the times when those pesky questions persist: Can I really trust Him to deliver me this time? How is this going to work? In those inevitable moments, I look back on this milestone and remember to trust that God is at work, prepping the landscape of my future and waiting for me to step forward in faith and sow. I remember the unwavering loyalty He has shown me, firsthand.

For the month of December, I’m taking a break from writing new posts to better enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from my first two years of blogging here. I hope you enjoy getting to do a little time-traveling with me, and I’ll be back to ring in the new year with all new posts! (Click here to see today’s original post.) 

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We’re On the Move…

We’ve owned our house for less than two weeks now, and we’re boxing up the last of our belongings and moving everything there in the next week or so. This will make the third place we’ve lived within a year.

And as much as I hate moving and packing and unpacking, I’m so thrilled because it will be the last time for quite awhile (hopefully!) that we’ll have to go through this process. Now rearranging furniture and repainting walls will have to suffice, and I’m quite okay with that!

MOVING AND MISHAPS
The funny thing is that we weren’t really expecting to move this soon. While the lease on our current apartment states that we only need give 30 days to cancel, our landlord informed us that the notice had to be given on the 1st of the month…and we were calling her on November 9th. Which meant that we were going to have to rent it for the month of December as well.

But we got to thinking and, more importantly, praying. We decided to see if we could find someone to move into our apartment early, so that we wouldn’t have to pay for all of December. (Because heavens knows we could put that money to good use elsewhere!)

With a couple of ads posted on Craigslist, I started packing up our belongings, trusting that the peace I felt in my heart about the situation was encouragement to trust that something would work out.

Within about a week, I got an email from a woman interested in seeing our place. As it turns out, her workplace is only blocks away and so she was thrilled with the location. And of course, the cheap rent doesn’t hurt either!

ANOTHER ANSWERED PRAYER

The holidays through a wrench in things and we hadn't heard anything in some time, so I was beginning to wonder if it really would work out. But then, today, my landlord called and told me that the woman decided to rent the apartment and is planning on moving in mid-December, which will give us time to do a little painting in the house before moving but still help keep a couple extra hundred dollars in our pockets. Perfect timing, right? Which of course happens to be exactly what I had been praying for when we started praying for a replacement tenant.

You know, when I prayed that I would be “pleasantly surprised” with this whole house thing, I really was not asking for much. I just wanted everything to be okay, to be liveable, to not be a burden or cause financial ruin. Yet every aspect of this process—from inspecting the house and negotiating for updates to finding someone to move into our apartment—has proved to be above and beyond what I imagined possible. I asked for the bare minimum, and instead I have been showered with rich abundance every step of the way.

It has been breathtaking to say the least. Pleasantly surprised doesn’t even begin to describe it!

And so I sit here, with cardboard boxes scattered around, the walls of our apartment blank and bare once again. I can barely believe all this is actually happening. But it is, and for that, I am in complete and utter awe.

TAKING A BREAK FOR THE HOLIDAYS

So, with this hasty move and all the settling in that comes with it (plus a holiday or two mixed in), I’ve decided to take a break during December from posting new content. Instead, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite posts from the archives that I’ve written over the past two years.

If you’ve been following for very long, I hope that you enjoy getting to re-read many of these posts. And if you’re new to Life Blessons, I hope that this little trip down memory lane will be an enjoyable one for you.

I’ll be spending the extra time unpacking and painting and dreaming up creative ways to turn this house into a home. And then in January I’ll be back with a fresh line-up of new posts, plenty of updates and a brand new series to kick the new year off. Happiest of holidays, friends.

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Secrets of a Newlywed: A Recap of the Complete Series

It's been almost six months since I first started the Secrets of a Newlywed series here, which I kicked off on my two-year wedding anniversary. I'm aware that two years isn't that long, but it's been enough time for me to become aware of all that can impact—for better and for worse—my marriage.

Since then, me and almost a dozen other bloggers have opened up to share what some of those things are that we've learned along the way. Everything from the words we say to how we address conflict of all sorts, from learning to trust our spouses more to taking steps to make God the center of our marriage.

It's been wonderful and inspiring and humbling and convicting getting to share these stories, getting to glimpse in at the raw, gritty realities of how each of us are learning, day by day, how to nurture this relationship of ours.

I hope you have enjoyed getting to read through each of these posts as much as I have, and for old times' sake, here's a compilation of each and every post, in case you missed any the first time around.

You Did Not Marry Brad Pitt: "In the movies, Brad Pitt knows exactly what to say and what to do simply because it’s written into the script. He knows when to buy his leading lady flowers or when to take her dancing under the stars or when to just remain silent only because he’s memorized his lines. Our husbands, on the other hand, do not have a script to read from to know exactly what to do that will sweep us off our feet or exactly what to say that will melt our hearts into the carpet below. Instead, they fumble along, trying to guess about what will work. All they can do is guess…unless we decide to give them the script."

Learn to Embrace Your Differences: "I used to see those piles and cringe, wanting to stuff them into a folder or a drawer out of sight. I imagine that he wished I’d pick up a dust buster every now and then. But in those instances, we’re focusing simply on the other person’s faults and neglecting the strengths we each bring to the table. We’re zoomed in on everything that is wrong and not letting ourselves see all the things that the other person does right."

Let Your Husband Lead: "I believe that the role of a husband is to be a leader for his family, to be their shepherd guarding them in safety and guiding them to the best pasture. I believe this is the role that God has called husbands to and, in doing so, He will equip them to make the decisions necessary. However, that all comes into question when my husband has the choice to say 'No,’ when I am looking for 'Yes.’ It’s in those times that I want to grab the shepherd’s hook from his hands and tell him, 'Here, we’re going this way.’ Essentially, I can be afraid of what his decision might be."

Choosing to Forgive: "I wouldn't just have to forgive my husband once. I would have to forgive him over and over again. That was the hardest thing: Choosing to forgive. It's easy to forgive someone for not doing a chore, or forgetting an important event, but how do you forgive someone for such a betrayal?"

Learning What My Husband Really Wants: "If I got home first, my husband would walk in the door to a wife with her back to him as she worked away cutting up potatoes. As he tried to put his arms around me, I would often get annoyed with him. Couldn't he see that I was working hard to make his dinner? I didn't have time for that! Eventually, I realized that my husband didn't want to come home to a meal; he wanted to come home to a wife!"

What Can You Do for Him?: "Even if they are the smallest details that I take upon myself and even if my husband doesn’t even notice that I’m doing them for him, it still is a way for me practice learning to think of others before myself and learning to turn words into actions, let love speak loudly, live out my faith in the routine of day-to-day life."

Who's At the Center of Your Marriage: "After a year of frustration, we began questioning what was happening in our relationship. And then we both realized we were doing this marriage thing all wrong. We built our marriage on the idea that being married would lead to personal happiness, but that foundation was shaky, uneven, and breaking already under the stress of daily life. We wanted God to be the center of our marriage, but we were leading lives centered on personal pride and strung together by rings."

Two Simple Truths : "I think some of the most important things we can do when it comes to having happy marriages is to realize that "It's not all about you." And then fess' up when we-sort-of-kind-of-do still want it to be about us, at least a little."

Get Used to Saying, “I'm Sorry”: "Apologizing is one of those things that none of us at any age enjoys to do. It takes humility to say, I was wrong. It takes us being willing to think of another to say, I was wrong. It takes courage to admit, I was wrong. And yet, with that courage, humility and selflessness comes restoration..."

Make Your Marriage a Priority: "We realized that over the course of experiencing a major, life-changing event, and becoming parents, that we were completely neglecting each other. Although we had little time to spend together during that time, we weren't taking advantage of the time we did have. We weren't trying. We weren't working. We were taking the easy route. We said we were too tired to go out to a movie. Or we were too busy to have a quiet dinner alone. Each time we turned down an opportunity to spend time together, we unknowingly pushed each other further away."

Being Aware of Your Expectations: "'I don’t have any expectations,' I remember thinking. On second thought, I realized I did have one expectation: That my husband would take out the trash, a chore I looked forward to retiring when I got to wear that pretty silver ring. But to my innocent mind, I couldn’t think of anything else I expected from my husband. That’s the thing about expectations, you don’t realize you have them until it’s too late…"

Showing Respect When Asking for His Opinion: "But that situation was an epiphany to me, beyond just breakfast foods and boxed grains. I realized that if I'm going to ask him for an opinion, I must be willing to accept it. I realized what it means if I ask for his opinion and then disregard it, like it doesn't matter. Though the scenario was innocent on the surface, I now saw it in a new light, that my actions spelled out disrespect and insult."

Letting Your Husband Provide for You: "I found that after I let go of the need to be in control—be independent—be the one to make sure everything is always fine—God started teaching me about trusting not only him, but my husband. Now, it’s not that I didn’t trust my husband before. I’ve just always wanted to do it myself. And, this was the first time I was letting him do it. Letting him take care of me."

Know Thyself—And What Makes You Cranky: "There are lots of things in life that can set us off, so to speak. Things—like being hungry—that can make us crankier, meaner, snarkier than normal. For me, I’ve realized that things get ugly when I’m hungry, tired or rushed. (Don’t even think about what it’s like when I’m facing all three at once!) This really doesn't have much to do with marriage until you go back to that whole "becoming one" vow that we took and realize that when these kinds of situations come up, it's our spouses who are affected most by them."

The Truth About Struggles Having Sex: "Ultimately, our marriage is only satisfied and sustained by Him. Sex is a glue, but it's not a foundation. I learned to view myself through God's eyes. The fact of the matter was God knew what struggles we were going to face before we faced them. In His eyes, I wasn't a failure."

The Role of Being His Encourager: "When my husband and I were first married, I pondered that verse: Who is it that wears a crown? Someone of royalty. But how do you know that they’re royalty? Because they wear the crown. If they remove the crown, they look just like everyone else. The crown is what distinguishes them from all the others. And, ladies, that’s what we can be for our husbands, too. We can be what distinguishes our men from all the others that are walking down the streets everyday, going into work everyday, mowing the lawns everyday."

The Power of Our Words: "As Proverbs says, “Better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.” There will always be things to criticize our husbands about, but likewise, there will also always be things to compliment him for. And when we choose to compliment him rather than criticize him, we can watch wonders. It’s simply a matter of changing our perspective and keeping your eyes peeled for the good rather than the bad."

Who Are You Complaining To?: "I greatly desire to keep any venting out of conversations with man. Instead, they only have room in my conversations with God. And I can tell you that it’s these conversations that I’ve come to see bear much fruit. I don’t know that any one can say the same of the other kinds of conversations. Simply because the Lord is the only one who can actually do something about these issues! "

The Beauty of Sacrifice: "I finally realized that the state of our marriage wasn't up to anyone but us. I was so busy concerning myself with myself, my needs, and my feelings that I forgot about concerning myself with my husband. So about a year ago, I tried something new..."

Learning To Trust Him...In Everything: "I didn't trust my husband to change out the lightbulb in a timely fashion. I didn't trust him with doing the laundry like he said he would. The list went on and over time, I had become resentful. That epic meltdown even lead me to rip all the pages out of my journal, where I had written about meeting my husband, falling in love, and everything about our lives up until that point. All because I didn't let myself trust my husband in the small stuff."

That Which Sanctifies Us: "Marriage has the potential to transform us into a better person, if we let it. If we’re willing to look our own sins square in the face and confront them, then we can see our hearts softened and start looking more Christ-like. On the one hand it’s the hardest thing about marriage, because it’s a process that is never without pain. But when you’re willing to walk through that pain, it also because the most beautiful as the sins and selfishness begins to be pulled away."

(To read through all the posts in this series, click here.)

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